Sunday, July 26, 2009

Breaking Down Religious Stupidity Part 1

I've done this a couple times on YouTube, but now I'm going to be putting this up as a regular segment of this blog. I'm especially targeting the videos that have conveniently disabled leaving comments.

Edit: The first time link is broken. I am attempting to use SeekTo as YouTube does in their comments section, yet I have no idea how to accomplish this.


0:00 - 0:45 This is intense because the music says so. The words are badly edited with the vocals. A fictitious student sent a fictitious letter to another fictitious friend from a fictitious place and we're supposed to take this as a serious matter.

0:45 - 0:50 Zach held back his love for sweet, sweet man-flute juice.

0:51 - 1:06 Translation: The rest of the story is uninventive and boring. But I'm going to keep talking low so that it sounds intense.

1:07 - 1:12 Here is that fictitious letter in its entirety. Oh I'm sorry. This is supposed to be serious and intense.

1:13 - 1:20 "A Letter from Hell" will stay on the screen longer and keep creeping forward because this video is sooo intense.

1:21 - 1:57 Josh is *gasp* scared and panting while *gasp* reading out his fictitious letter. *gulp* This is just *gasp* sooo intense. Remember Gather 'Round? That was done with more conviction than this pile of shit.

1:58 - 2:35 The fictitious angel drags Josh away when his name wasn't in the Book o' Life. Are you sure it wasn't the Blair Witch? JOSH!! JOSH!! Oh my god. We're all going to die! Damn!

2:36 - 3:03 Damn, Heaven is run by bureaucrats. Should have slipped the maitre d' a C-note, Josh. C'mon. What do you think they pass the plate around in church for?

3:03 - 3:56 Oh man the music is getting more intense here. Why didn't you tell me about how to become a Christian? I mean, how hard could it be? All you have to do is ignore the archeological evidence, the astronomical evidence, the biological evidence and the total lack of biblical evidence and surely you could have sent me to a doctor who knew how to give me a quality lobotomy. Damn you Zack. Damn you for not telling me how to hate gays like myself.

3:57 - 4:30 They're coming for me, Zack! We've traced the call! Its coming from inside the house! The hills have eyes, Zack! Don't say his name three times in front of the mirror! GO!! GET TO THE CHOPPER!!

4:31 - 4:55 The heart I left with my physical body is bursting with fear. THIS IS SO SCARY!! AAAAAHHH!!!

5:00 JESUS!

5:01 - 5:35 The best part of the video. That's a quality horror film name.

5:36 - 6:48 You need to warn your friends and family of the train coming down the tracks at them... even though they're standing in a field, 15 miles from either civilization or train tracks.

6:49 - 8:20 Some old radio broadcast of either a reading from the bible or a reinterpretation of it. Not that it makes much difference. Its just boring.

Not much here. Just scary music and scary readings.

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