Saturday, July 22, 2006

Sex Workers Make For Lousy Candidates

You know, I like the Democratic Party. They seem to be open to more socially beneficial ideas, and usually they're not these insecurity spreading conservative parasites. So being a graphic designer, I am dedicated to how people interact with each other and when I see a Democrat trying to get his or her message out to the constituents and failing at it, I try to use my expertise to help out as best as I can.

Upon reading one of my favorite sites, The Huffington Post, I came across an article about a ditz of a porn star who is using her body to run for Governor of Nevada. Not judging the woman strictly on her chosen profession or her political affiliation, I checked out her website and her views.

Here are a few gems that I found:
  • A Soldier's View on Mimi: "Forget any preconceptions you may have about women with ridiculously large augmented breasts; this lady is brilliant."
  • Mimi's View on Education: "And if there is no support by parents that they want their children in a disciplined learning environment, then they are sadly turning their backs on their own children without realizing it. There is few ways out of poverty besides education and skilled jobs training."
Add to the latter example that she used a "4" instead of "for" in her website and you'll get a clue as to how serious this woman is about the intelligent discourse of education in Nevada.

Anyways, after reading through the several posting from fellow Huffington Posters, I came across the name of a woman who was also running for Governor in Nevada on the Democratic ticket - Leola McConnell. Those of you who know about the BDSM sex scandal she tried to start up already knew about her and what she was capable of. I did not until just recently. So I decided to look at her website to see what she stood for while running for Governor in a fairly conservative region.

When I got to her website, it was a total and complete mess. The graphics in the background made the text impossible to read. The navigation was at the best, inconsistant and at the worst, non-existant. The pictures she had of herself were sloppy and unflattering. It was a total wreck. So as a liberal-minded individual and a student of how people interact with each other, I decided to write the website and tell them of their inherent flaws in their design. The letter and critique I wrote is as follows:
Mrs McConnell,

My name is G. S. and I am a liberal from Wisconsin. I came across your political website through The Huffington Post's article about your pornstar adversary. All I can say is you need help with your website and your message.

I am a graphic designer/web designer and as such, I am driven by how people interact with each other. I am also an avid supporter of most of your views and I feel you need to get your message out to your constituents as efficiently as possible. The following is a small list you need to seriously consider for your website in order to get your message out quicker:
  1. Ditch the flag background. While Icons of Americana are an absolute must in any election website, you also need to be able to see your message while on top of them. The image graphics make it far too difficult to read your text on top of them.
  2. Create a better navigation system. Your navigation is sloppy where it absolutely needs to be instinctual and on some pages, it is non-existent. If people can not find what they are looking for on a website within 30 seconds (minus page load time), they are going to start looking elsewhere.
  3. Organize your thoughts. People read webtext differently than they do printed text. You need to shorten your paragraphs and create appropriate subheadings - which should be part of your page menu - so your constituents dont have to hunt down everything.
  4. Create quick PDFs for Printing and Redistribution. I wholly appreciate your grassroots movement, but if you want people to get these messages out in this manner, you need to put together several flyers that express the basics of your views and why you feel that way. People aren't going to flip through pages of text. Everything about one topic needs to fit on a letter size page.
  5. Create a Blog of your campaign trail and keep it updated regularly. Peole like coming back to a website that is updated regularly. Dont be afraid to throw in some of your personal opinions on aspects of pop culture. It may seem juvenile, but it will actually connect you with younger voters on a social level and make you seem approachable.
  6. SMILE. I realize these are serious times, but you really need to express a visual commitment to serving the people and it still holds true that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
I wish you the best of luck in your campaign. Only by working together and working intelligently can we hope to overcome the dark shadow that the Bush administration has brought down upon us. Communication is key.

Take care and thank you for your time,
G.S.

Simple, professional, courteous. Nothing over-the-top and straight to the point.

So the next day, I get the following letter from Leola:
So you're basically peddling me your services for 999.00 tax included but only if I act now for the special, one time Internet offer? Get in line. Were you offering real 'help' you would have asked for my mailing address to send me the work on a CD for free, 'Liberal'. And getting endless death threats doesn't put me in the smiling frame of mind. If they lose their attention span in 30 seconds they need to get what they get for governance. That's how they got here in the first place with a low-life like bush as president by not paying attention. No endless banter ok, if you have something you're donating then send it otherwise I don't need another genius in cyberspace, I've got more than my share already. mimi's site is mimi4governor.com she's the play you seek, not I. Wrong woman, wrong century. Leola
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Did I ask for money? Did I ask for a job? Where the hell did this attack come from? What the hell is up with the 'if I was a real liberal, I would be giving her a CD of my work for free' crap? I don't mind doing volunteer work, but if the twit thinks I'm so insecure to just hand over my design work just because she challenged my veracity, then she's got another thing coming. Homey don't play that.

Now I've dealt with my fair share of feminists. I've taken a fem lit course and been berated for being a male by the butch man-haters and unappreciated housewives and been engulfed by their paranoid rhetoric. Not once have I ever felt ashamed of being born with a penis or felt like the woman's movement in America was as dire today as it was in 1920. With those final few lines, Leola really shows herself to be an insecure little feminist. All men are out to get her and unless she is on the permanent offensive she'll be taken advantage of and blah, blah, blah. Like I said, paranoid rhetoric.

Anyways, I could have just as easily deleted this letter and told her to take a long walk off a short pier, but that would be as dismissive of her as she was being of me and that would not serve the shared cause. So, I decide to be the bigger man and approach her again and just as before, I was professional and I tried again to talk her through my concerns.

Mrs McConnell,

I was neither peddling anything nor was I asking for money. I was only looking to help the cause.

I emphasize with you about getting death threats. When I got my first one from my own anti-Mad King George, atheist weblog I felt like shutting down all external communication to keep the scary people away. I've realized since then that irrational insecurities do not justify rational actions, and rational securities do not justify irrational actions. Its that kind of thinking, along with a few criminal enterprises, that aided Mad King George in his re-election campaign in 2004.

We can not allow ourselves to be beaten internally by irrational idiots who may or may not do us bodily harm. This is how conscum win elections. They encourage and promote insecurity and irresponsible thinking and try to use it to justify irrational actions. Take these anti-gay groups like Focus on the Family and the American Family Association, for example. These groups carefully market themselves to promote the irrational hate-based notion that if you do not believe homosexuality is a threat to your own personal family structure, that you can not be part of a good family. They create the insecurity in the public that makes them think that the subjective term "family" is under attack by those who would redefine it in include them.

As for the death threats. Honestly, I would suggest you collect them and then publish some of the choice letters on your website. Or when you go on the radio, TV or speak in public, read a couple of them off to show people you wont back down.

Effective communication does not need to be the sole dominion of one political philosophy. 30 seconds is standard, whether a person is liberal, moderate or conservative. It comes from a society based on the pursuit of instant gratification. And the more choices a person has, the less time they will be willing to spend on any one choice before they get bored and try something else. That's basic economics.

Think about the slot machines you have littered all over the place in Las Vegas. Statistically speaking, no one machine gives you better odds than any other. They all sell the promise of quick riches for bargain prices and they'll all remove your earnings in a fairly effective manner. So how do they attempt to catch someone's attention? Simple. Flashing lights, bells and artistic displays. Showmanship sells, regardless of the dire importance of the message.

Mimi, Melody or whatever name she's using, on the other hand, is all showmanship and no message. Her politics and views are poorly thought out and most would only be effective when implemented on a federal level - not to mention the grammatical errors found on her "educational views".. egad. The sensationalized media will naturally focus on her because she'll flash her breasts for the camera. Not that you should even consider following suit, but standing tall and smiling for the camera, regardless of how you feel inside, wouldn't hurt. If anything, you should applaud her freedom to express herself in the manner that she does, as long as you follow up that Nevada's problems can not be solved in such a jejune manner.

The Point:

I was not looking to peddle my services to you. I was just attempting to share some constructive criticism and help you win the election. I feel bad that you have been jaded by the election process but I feel you are misdirecting your anger.

As for volunteer work, I would be happy to assist you for the sake of experience if you ask nicely for it. Your words can't make me hate you, but they can't make me respect you enough to want to work for you either. My portfolio is located at XXX. Feel free to look it over. If you want my help, you can write me back and request it in a professional manner. If not, then all I can do is wish you good luck.

Thank you for your time,
G. S.
A little more long-winded than I had intended, but I've always felt that simple answers are for simple minds... which would probably explain her response that I got this morning.
get lost internet hustling parasite. write to me again and I'll notify yahoo of your harassment.
Sigh. Apparently her slogan of "Whatever It Takes" doesn't apply to acting professionally. Ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now my professional opinion that Leola McConnell is a complete and total looney. If she can not put her Dominatrix desires for unearned tribute or her feminist-cloaked insecurities aside for five minutes to be professional, then I can only imagine what she'll do to Nevada if elected. If you happen to be from Nevada, I would recommend not voting for either of these two candidates. You would do better to vote for Seigfried and Roy.

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