Friday, December 09, 2005

ZMG's 100th Post: Stealing Christmas from the Christians

Well its that time of year again when the theists come out of the woodwork to proclaim that this month is only for Christians and followers of the one true faith. Whackjobs like Dildo O'Reilly have already claimed that saying Happy Holidays takes the season away from Christians. Shmucker Carlson also blabs on his blog that the fact that rational people fear a day that celebrates those individuals who couldn't validate their supernatural beliefs to save their lives somehow validates the notion that religious faith is alive and well. Don't know what Crayon Coulter is saying these days.. don't care. I only save my rage for those who are actually some kind of threat. As soon as her beauty fades, or conservative programs stop showing leggy photos of her instead of ever actually trying to validate a single thing she says (not like they can validate anything they say either), people will stop listening to her as they did that other Dr Laura Whatever-her-name-was who had her show yanked quicker than the Chevy Chase Show.

So many people to despise for being so stupid, so little time.

Well it seems to me that the ultra-whackjob conservatives don't want to share this time of the year with other religions because it appears to be taking religion away from those who want to believe in their faith. Well ok, but if that's the stance the religious rejects are going to take, then let's be fair about it.

Here are some of the major traditions of Christmas and their origins:

  • Christmas Trees are derivative of Saturnalia (Ancient Rome) or many other Winter Solstice festivities as celebrated by polytheistic pagans long before jesus.
  • Mistletoe was part of druidic worship because it was looked upon as promise of the return of spring.
  • Yule Logs were burned as part of an ancient pagan festival known as Yuletide.
  • December 25th was a date used by Persians to celebrate the birth of their sun god, Mithras until the Pope in 320 AD decided to officially declare (translation: Stop worshipping your sun god you pagans!) that it was to be the day to recognize the birth of jesus.
  • Gift giving, while attributed to St Nicholas, was also a tradition during Saturnalia.
So, the way I see it. If the truly devout Christians don't want to share this time of the year with other faiths, then I see no reason for them to be allowed to have these traditions as well since they came from other religions.

After all, you God Warriors can't have it both ways.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Dildo O'Reilly and the Turner Diaries

It took me five minutes of watching Dildo O'Reilly trying to attack his critics to make me realize what he really is. He's nothing really special. Dildo is nothing more than a televised version of William Pierce.

William Pierce is the whackjob who wrote The Turner Diaries and like Dildo O'Reilly, Pierce believes in the ideals of the people he supports. The ultra-whackjob conservatives. Now this is the part that trips most people up. Like Dildo O'Reilly, Pierce made sure that while he would openly support the people and the positions, he made sure he would never openly support the extreme actions these people would take.. unless, of course, they got away with it. To Pierce, The Turner Diaries was just "a fictional work and not an actual plan to take seriously" in public.. while the Nazi flag waves in the background. Then Timothy McVeigh put the book into action in Oklahoma City. You'll notice that at no time William Pierce stood up and said.. "No, you took my writings in completely the wrong context!"

The same theme applies to what Dildo O'Reilly does. This guy sits down and supports no one but conservative people and takes conservative positions on several hot topics that would take only the more ultra-conservative actions to achieve. But when people call him on supporting the actions required to move America towards his ultra-conservative positions, Dildo O'Reilly gets to throw his hands up, act shocked and say "I never said THAT" or "I'm not in support of THAT kind of government action" and then he goes back to blasting liberals for not speaking the truth as only he sees it.

So there you have it. Dildo O'Reilly is nothing more than a little bitch instigator just like William Pierce. He does nothing but talk big, try to get others to take the criminal actions for him and then gets to stay behind the scenes while others have to take the responsibilities. Its really quite pathetic.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

More From the Unintelligently Designed Creationists

Well in the past few months we've had two Creationism/Evolution trials of which only one was victorious in kicking Intelligent Design square in the god bags. Honestly, I never expected Kansas to vote in favor of Evolution. No chance in hell, pardon the pun, those ass-backward hicks were going to actually choose a scientific theory with decades of empirical evidence to support it over a theological notion of pure fantasy with no evidence to show for it.

You'd think in 2000 years someone would have been able to produce something of scientific merit to support their religious hogwash.

But Kansas did have something good come out of its plunge back into the dark ages. Since Creationism was being let back into schools, one professor - with a doctorate in theology from Harvard, no less - Paul Mirecki decided to teach a course in debunking Creationism. Unfortunately, it seems that the pressure from student opposition got the better of him as he fired emails at students in a religious group that his course would have been a slap "in their big fat face." He was forced to apologize to these fundie cretins and for his troubles, he was beaten with a metal object yesterday morning by two chickenshit hicks who obviously loved the teachings of jesus so much they had to resort to a lynching when they couldn't validate their own beliefs. Get well soon, Paul. You are a Real American Hero.

Side Note: After Professor Mirecki was forced into apologizing for his email, Kansas State Senator, and all around waste of life, Kay O'Connor stated that she was happy that the University cancelled his class and how critical she was about his hatefulness towards Christianity. We have yet to hear from this dried-up prune over the hateful actions that caused Professor Mirecki's injuries.

The other trial occurred in Pennsylvania and this time the Mind triumphed over the Spirit. But before it did, another professor, Scott Minnich, took the stand in defense of Intelligent Design. Scott Minnich is a genetic microbiologist who, in the same craptacular path of Behe, somehow got it into his head that Creationism was somehow a valid default if he could just show that Evolution was wrong. And like Behe, his plan of attack was to find something science couldn't explain yet and say "Eureka! I can't explain this, therefore God must have done it! I'm a Genius!"

So this whackjob gets on stage and blabs about how Intelligent Design is based on science and that "scientists" who stumble along the same path as he does are so horribly mistreated by the scientific community because they are the minority. Side Note: Don't you just love the way these Christian whackjobs pull out the racial abuse card whenever they are shunned for not being able to validate their notions. So being a man of science and finding out this whackjob does indeed have some rather impressive credentials in his background, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and I wrote him the following letter to request information that he surely must have had to show scientific support for Intelligent Design.
Scott Minnich,

Today you claimed, on the stand, that Intelligent Design was based in science and that whoever the "creator" was, was based on individual philosophy. While it is a popular opinion among creationists, I am curious to know how you defend that this notion holds water in regards to scientific responsibility.

You have done extensive and impressive research in the field of microbiology along the same deductive reasoning of Behe, but I am curious how you can suggest that even if Darwin and evolution are found to be, at the least, incomplete, that your notions of intelligent design are somehow valid or even accurate by default?

It seems to me that your notion of intelligent design is not based on science, but rather what appears to be, at the most, a lack of science. These concepts are not the same thing, Scott. Without direct validation for your notions rather than attempts to indirectly invalidate current, more supported, scientific theories, I can not see how you can expect anyone to see your notions as valid.

The Constitution gives everyone the right to believe in whatever we want to, Scott. A citizen in this country can believe in God, Allah, Shiva, Zeus or even purple leprechauns underneath the bed. Nothing however, gives anyone the right to automatically claim validity for anything that they may want to believe in. Tell me Scott, how can you believe that to assume otherwise is anything but just plain irresponsible?

But perhaps you have something to show us we have yet to see. Without showing evidence of how current theories are possibly incorrect, can your research DIRECTLY show evidence, outside of your personal religious faith, of a supreme maker of life? Do you have methods to produce this evidence? Do you have a controllable way of measuring this evidence? Can you reproduce this evidence in a controlled environment? Do you have the method for which to compare your findings?

I'm sure that if you were to produce something tangible that your notion of a "supreme entity" exists and that it indeed did create life as we know it today, that the scientific community would be more than happy to give you the credit you deserve for your work. If not, I have a suggestion for a scientific methodology that may help you out.

1. Study paranormal activities.
2. Find out if these entities are indeed the remnants of living people (aka souls).
3. Inquire as to the nature of the philosophies held by them.
4. Request an audience with their top official.
5. Ask the top official if your notions are correct.

Granted, my methodology may be in the minority of what is scientifically acceptable, but I am sure you can relate to that.

I hope that you will see that showing direct evidence of your theories is much more useful than assuming your notions, seemingly based in a lack of science, are correct simply by default. I wish you the best of luck with either your or my methodology. I hope you that you will find the results that you require for validation.

With best regards,

PS. I am forwarding a copy of this letter to the dean of your University and to the chair of the Tenure committee. I have heard that you have found yourself in a spot of hot water concerning your teaching methods. Perhaps by answering my questions, you can also relieve any fears they may have about your teaching abilities. Good luck, Scott. I'm rooting for you.

I have yet to hear back from Mr Minnich with the evidence I requested. I guess Schrodinger's Cat must have his tongue.
As a result of these trials, I am personally putting a 2000 soul bounty on every creationist's head to any deity or devil that smites them. Any deity or demon taking up this offer must show conclusive evidence that they were directly responsible for the "act of god" involved. An additional 500 souls will be handed over for video evidence of the creationist in eternal torment.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Madison Police are Great at Giving Blowjobs

One of the things that kept me from caring about posting these past months is that my '87 Dodge Caravan finally died on me. It was the transmission. Not worth replacing on a van that old. But it got about 276 thousand miles on it before it finally croaked. Not too shabby for a domestic.

Anyways, I lost my copy of the damn title and had to get it replaced before I could sign it over to the garage as salvage. Ok. I go to the DMV on a very extended lunch and take care of it. Fine. No problem. That night, I go to the auto repair place that's holding my deader than shit car and I basically go through whatever's left inside with two garbage bags (one for keeping, one for junking). I walk in and sign over the title with the salvage box checked to the auto garage. Fine. No problem.

I wish.

Turns out one of the assholes in the garage turned around and "sold" my car to a third party unknown to me and proceeded to get an abandoned vehicle ticket for a vehicle that is somehow still in my name. Turns out I had to tell the cops that this transaction had taken place. What esoteric bullshit is this? So now I have to clear a $110 ticket for a car that is no longer mine and that I couldn't have driven anywhere because the transmission was so royally screwed up. I found out that the garage sold my car with one phone call. You'd think the brainiacs in the police department would actually try and rub their collective heads together and maybe a few sparks of intelligence would have saved me all this trouble. Alas, these cops aren't working from a pre-written script like the boys in Law & Order.

And the police wonder why no one respects the badge anymore.

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