Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Republicans and Democrats UNITED!!

Not by The Demagogue formerly known as Mad King George.. but by PORN, GLORIOUS PORN!!

I pledge allegiance to the porn, of the United States of America, and to the 13" black dildo for which the porn star moans. One nation, under silicon, interchangeable, with liberty and anal lube for all.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

The Middle East.. Bitter Assholes

Let's take a little trip down memory lane, shall we?

About 600 years ago the world was a much different place. The new world had yet to be made public knowledge. The concept of a flat earth was the accepted truth. The people who did trade between Europe and Asia had to pass through what is now known as the Middle East. This was a good time for these people. Trade was always coming through since land routes were faster than routes by sea. Those guides who knew the safest routes were prized by all. The leaders of the cities in the middle of trade routes were rich for they could tax as much as they wish in return for safety and supplies. The people of this region were the center of the known world and they had everything they could ever want at their fingertips.

Go forward about a century. A European explorer looking for a better trade route between Europe and India sets out across the Atlantic Ocean. Columbus does not find a passage to India but instead sets the wheels in motion for Trans-Atlantic exploration and settlement. Any concern had by the Arab world of Europeans finding a faster router by sea is squashed with this discovery. Trade routes through their regions are unaffected and life goes on.

Another 125 years later, The Mayflower and its passengers came into play. They settled down in the new world and began the foundations of what was to become one of the most powerful nations in the world. The Arab world was not impressed. While resources were being transferred to this grand new design, trade between Europe and Asia still went through the Arab world without deviation.

Ahead again another 150 years. These new colonies have gained independence from England and a new nation is formed. This new nation (divisible) offers both Freedom and Manifest Destiny as it begins to expand and evolve over the course of the next 125 years. Trade with the Arab world diminishes a little but does not dwindle as there is still no better route to India despite expansion across the North American continent.

Enter 1900. During the next 50-60 years big changes are going to affect the world. Man is going away from horses and movie to trains and automobiles. Man is learning to fly and can now travel large distances. Plans for a canal connecting oceans at Panama first drawn up in the early 16th century are now coming to pass. Mass production is bringing the future faster and more efficiently. Suddenly, the world demographic shifts. The Arab world is no longer the center of attention. Trade routes no longer require the Arab world for assistance and since the Arab's never sought a reason to evolve their own economy beyond that which was handed to them by travellers from outside their lands, things go downhill FAST. Arab countries that do not find oil are forced to rely on other forms of income. Some turn to opium which has been outlawed in America since 1875. But those wihtout the benefit of adequate means of economic stability fall apart.

Now religion has taken a grip upon the desperate peoples of this land. It is telling them that America is to blame for generations of their own sloth. It is telling them that killing Americans will acquire great wealth for them in heaven. It is telling them that if they aren't getting handouts anymore from other countries that they have every right to commit terrorist attacks upon them instead of actually working hard to create a better place for themselves in this world.

The Arab World is now a wrathful place that has been forged in greed and tempered in sloth. Its only hope for salvation lies NOT in some bible-thumping, altar boy jumping religion, but in making it face its own mistakes and forcing them to deal with their own problems. The only real solution is for the Arab World to be quarantined and isolated from the rest of the world until such time as they can make a real contribution to the global community again and able stand on its own two feet without resorting to violence.

As for The Demagogue formerly known as Mad King George. Getting Saddam Hussein out of Iraq may have been a good intention... BUT... he did it for the wrong reasons, in the wrong way and at the wrong time. He has taken a once great nation and turned it into another wrathful weapon forged in greed, tempered by sloth and willing to take the easy road and attack anythng that moves rather than listening and thinking before acting.

In many ways Bush has made the US just as bad as the Arab world is now.

..and in just four years too. Imagine what he could do with eight.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

This Way to The Egress

Now personally I have nothing against socialists or Marxists. Both political doctrines had a lot to offer the world in terms of economic and political reform (if it wasn't for Socialists there would be no minimum wage) and alas both were basically run into the ground by psychotic madmen looking to rule the world. Ce la vie.

The following argument is not meant as a slam towards Communism. This is a hella weapon to be used against those unenlightened few who still live in fear of the Red Menace as a deterrent to voting for Mad King George in the upcoming election. Its an illogical argument for illogical minds.

President Bu**sh**, in the past four years, has made two very noticeable changes to the economy. He has accomplished the following:

1. He has gifted massive tax cuts and allowed offshore tax shelters to the very wealthiest of people within the United States. This has made the wealthy even wealthier and created a more inaccessible divide between the upper and the middle class.

2. He has allowed utility and gasoline prices to skyrocket, which in turn has caused a blurring between the middle and lower class. Effectively creating one single working class where there was two.

The core of Marx's utopian doctrine was to eliminate the middle class (bourgeoisie) and leave everything to the working class (proletariat) and the wealthy (the elite). Ergo, these two aforementioned economic consequences has caused the US to enter into a Marxist state.

So go ahead and vote for President Bu**sh** if you want to. He has not only spit into the face of everything that Ronald Reagan had accomplished during his eight years in office, but has also handed the Communist Party a delayed victory in the Cold War.

"Not if you eliminate the third, fifth and sixth letter. Then its Red's Digest." -Colonel Flagg (M*A*S*H)

"The Communists disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win." -The Communist Manifesto

Monday, June 21, 2004

My ass on the one dollar bill.

I want to talk about dumb ideas today. Today, I witnessed a severe lack of planning which led me to an even dumber idea later on.

The powers that be, in the small town I live in, have decided to start some much needed repairs on a long stretch of road. This much I have no problem with. What I do find disturbing is how they decided to put the damn Road Closed sign a good 500 feet down the road from the nearest intersection. This is a major pain in my ass I don't need first thing in the morning, let me tell you.

So I do a Y-turn in the middle of the road. No cops around, thankfully. I head on back and sure enough there is a Detour sign (no mention of which road it was detouring for though), and I take this long and winding detour over choppy railroad tracks and roads even more decrepit than the one they are fixing. Joy.

Now here's where the second dumb idea comes into play. My father and I are carpooling to work and we see this chick jogging along in a skin tight outfit on one side of the road. On the other side of the road is a fuckin' federal prison. My first thought.. this woman has some serious brass to be out jogging alone next a goddamn prison like that. My second thought.. this woman is just asking to get raped by some escapee waiting in the tall grass and when she does get her ass handed to her, I am not going to feel a damn bit sorry for her. I figure if you are so uptight about cellulite forming on your thighs that you have to put yourself in that kind of danger then you get what you deserve. Unreal.

Another dumb idea I've been hearing lately is how they want to put Reagan's trickled-down face on the 10 dollar bill. The last thing we need is for any president in the last 25 years to have his face plastered on any kind of daily reminder for the people that this is the kind of leadership we've been suffering through. However, not being the totally heartless s.o.b. that I usually am, I think it would be appropriate to see the past five presidents' faces put on something to remind the country of the bang-up job each of them did in office.

Jimmy Carter - Peanut Oil (let's face it, that's about all there was to the guy)
Ronald Reagan - Ketchup Bottle (hey, they both counted as vegetables at one time)
George Bush Sr - Box of Used Thumbtacks (No New Tacks... okay, its a stretch)
Bill Clinton - Box of Cigars (to smoke after you do something that actually qualifies as sex)
Mad King George - Toilet Paper (2-ply; 'cause he's a uniter, not a divider)

If ignorance is bliss and Conservatives go on and on about how Liberals are always miserable about something, what does that say about the Conservatives?

Friday, June 18, 2004


I am finding it really funny how the current republican administration is a lot like the Decepticon ideology. Mind you, I am speaking of the Decepticons of the 1980's, not the trans-crappers they've been pumping out in the past 6 yrs.

Decepticons want to rape the earth of its natural resources and leave it a dry war torn husk of its former self.

Decepticons have no problem stepping on the freedoms of those they claim to be lesser beings to reach their immoral objectives.

Decepticons will attempt to obliterate anyone or anything that gets in their path.

Decepticons will have two or more forms in order to travel unnoticed through the civilized world.

Decepticons will use terms like "Honor" and "Law" to lure their enemies into a false sense of security and then do anything they want when their backs are turned.

Aren't you glad we have such great leaders in the White House today?

"Peace Through Tyranny" -Megatron

Thursday, June 17, 2004

God is an Atheist

An Atheist is someone who does not believe in a higher being.
According to western religions, God is the highest being.
Since God is the highest being, it is impossible for God to believe in a higher being.
Therefore, God is an Atheist.

Now... some people will go on to say that surely God believes in himself. Ok... assuming God does believe in himself. So what?

Assuming God exists and that God believes in himself...
Since God is the highest being, God can not be higher than himself.
God can not believe in a higher being since there isn't one to believe in.
Ergo, God is STILL an Atheist.

The only way to prove God isn't an Atheist is to:

A. Prove God exists.
B. Prove there is a higher being above God.
C. Prove that God looks to this proven higher being as a being higher to himself.

I would like to add that by proving B fact, you will have proved that God isn’t God at all (since God is the highest being) and thus render your previous argument (or assumption), that God exists, invalid.

Have a nice day.

-A Devout Agnostic

PS.. This proof doesn't mean there isn't a God. Its just means that she isn't necessarily on YOUR side.

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