Thursday, July 29, 2004

Concrete Enema

Ugh. I hate essay tests. I just cant stand them. This past week I've had to put everything on hold just so I could study for this massive concrete enema (hard to pass) of an mid-term exam.

I dont think too much of this teacher either. Let me explain how this guys works.

The essay exams are to be graded competitively, since he believes we are forced to be competitive in the workplace. This, to an extent, I can see the potential of. However it appears to be an overly simplistic response to standardized testing.

Before the exam we are to write out a summary of an entire class session and post it online for all the students to read and study from. If we are to be graded competitively on the exams, doesn't it seem a bit contradictary that we would share our notes with other students in the same class?

Also the exams are closed book and closed notes. This is also contradictary to his workplace theory since when one is in the workforce and one goes to a meeting or to a presentation, one is usually expected to bring notes or texts to draw information from when neccesary.

Now imagine this coming from a guy who is a dead ringer for Clayton from Benson.

So anyway, despite blanking on the first part of the exam and writing more than I ever have before on any essay test in my entire life, I get a 93%. Not too bad. My friend on the other hand, didn't study any of the material covered on the first part of the exam and BS'ed her way into a 47/50 on that section and then got a perfect 50 on the second part. But she's got a degree in English already so she can BS with the best of them.

And people wonder why there is so much violence in schools today.

Speaking of violence, I wanted to talk a bit about the rise of violence in schools today. Beautiful segue, dontcha think? When I was growing up I was a hyperactive kid that the school couldn't control. So instead of doing something intelligent like counselling me, they decided to go for the easiest route available to get me into status quo with the least amount of work. They stuck me on Lithium, which gave me a three-year gap in my memory and a severe lack of social skills. This, in turn, made me a social oucast and an easy target for verbal assaults from any asshole walking around. And you know how it goes, as the verbal assaults and the pranks progress, your parents can't do squat about it. All the teachers couldn't care less about the students so they wont get involved other than to give that tired old "dont let it bother you" bullshit. And talking to the bullies themselves doesn't do shit.

So what do you do when everything else fails miserably? You do one of two things. You either sit there and take your daily poundings or you take the law into your own hands and you kick some ass. Mind you, I wasn't getting teased nearly enough to bring a shotgun to school, but I would be lying if I wasn't thinking about it from time to time. So whenever I hear about some kid going off and slinging lead around the schoolyards. At home I am secretly cheering his demented ass on. YOU RAH RAH!!

Then afterwards, if they don't kill themselves, the trials for these juveniles are always so funny. If you listen to these things you almost start to wonder who the real psychos are in this area of the country. First of all, you have all the clique kids running around and holding onto each other for support and weeping on the evening news as if they were saying "We teased him mercilessly, but we never expected him to push back!" Then the parents of these clique kids, who breed their children to torment everyone who's different they are, go on the news and blame the school board and the parents of the actions of the psycho-tot. Next they bring in psychiatrists to counsel the clique kids and tell them "It's ok. You're not to blame for this. You don't have to change who you are. Now go back out and torment some other kid until HE brings a shotgun to homeroom and maybe, if you survive THAT encounter, I can tell you all this bullshit again." Then, depending on how influencial the victim's parents are, the kid will most likely be tried as an adult, and eventually sentenced to concurrent sentences of 25 years each and the village that bred this child to become the sociopath he is today gets off with barely a slap on the wrist.

I saw this one sentencing hearing that made me roll on the floor. This kid had shot up a couple students in his school and he wasn't crying in court so I'm assuming he got off a lucky shot at at least one of his tormenters. The clique kids were lining up saying the usual stupid shit. We need less violence in movies. This is all Marylin Manson's fault. You've ruined our prom. Blah Blah Blah. Then the prinicipal showed up. This was a hilarious speech. She went on for like 20 minutes about how this kid had absolutely no reason to do this. She claimed no one picked on him... no one tormented him.. and everyone in his school was his best friend in the whole wide world. I almost died laughing at how stupid this speech was. First of all this kid was short, fat and wore glasses. Genetics might as well have made a bullseye shaped birthmark on his face for all the grief this kid was going to get in school and this principal was trying to sell the notion that this school was somehow the only school in the entire fucking world where no one torments anyone else? LMAO! Nixon, Mad King George, Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly combined couldn't sell that much bullshit, lady!

What a funny world we live in. This stuff just writes itself.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Mad King George's Land

Everybody SING!!

This land ain't your land.
This land is my land.
I've got a shotgun,
and you don't got one.
You step on my land,
and I'll blow your balls off.
This land is private property.


Saturday, July 17, 2004

Terror Alert Level: Fuchsia

Is it me, or are the people who oppose Gay marriage among the dumbest people on the face of the planet? The one arguement I hear that doesn't stem from bible-humping losers is that Marriage is a sacred institution. Sacred institution? Are you fucking kidding me?
Sacred institution, my black ass! Marriage is a goddamn GAME SHOW!
Married by America!? Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire!? Who Wants to Marry My Dad!? The Bachelor!? The Bachelorette!? Temptation Island!? My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee!? Wife Swap!? Outback Jack!?
Marriage isnt an institution! Its a ratings spike! In addition to that, the average marriage today (with straight people, of course) lasts only five years. FIVE YEARS! Thats not long enough to raise a child to the age where he can learn how to ride a bike. That's pathetic.
...and so of course seeing how straight people treat their "sacred institution", its only logical for them to want to keep homosexuals out of it because allowing homosexuals to marry might give marriage a bad name. OH PLEASE!! I guess they feel they have to protect the sanctity of all those drive-thru marriage chapels in Las Vegas.
ZMG: "God? Why are your followers so mindless?"
God: "I don't know, George."
ZMG: "My name's not George, God."
God: "I'm sorry, George." 

A couple days ago, I saw this perfect example of anti-gay idiocy. This religious nutsack was sitting on stage telling the world how he had been gay for several years. He had seen his friends die and buried because of AIDS and then found religion.. and turned away from the "evils" of homosexuality.
SIDE NOTE: I really want to know why it is that these religious whackjobs always find God right when they are at the bottom of the barrel? Its never the people who are already doing well, or the moderate joe. Its always some shlep at the end of his rope. Isn't it strange how this ideology just latches onto people at their weakest emotional and mental state and just throws them in for a double rinse in the brainwashing cycle?
Anyway, back to the straight plan for the gay man. This toad was sitting here talking about how this wonderful woman sitting by his side had been praying for him for two years and then they were married. MARRIED. The same guy. This guy who was taking a size 10 mansteak in his backdoor for more than a decade was allowed to get married. He was allowed to get married because he wasn't gay anymore. How utterly pathetic is this? This white-washed dildo who couldn't handle the stress of watching less responsible members of his sexual orientation die of AIDS, so he decides to change his identity in order to not deal with the situation.
This, my friends, is no different than that one guy in M*A*S*H who psychologically turned himself into Jesus because he couldn't stand the horrors of the war. This man couldn't stand watchign his gay friends die of AIDS in the 80's so he turned himself into a straight Christian Warrior to protect and remove himself from the AIDS epidemic. He doesn't need a wife and kids, he needs a padded cell.
But I digress, this same individual is allowed to be married when he loved a woman, but when he was in love with another man, he wasn't. That makes no sense to me.
"Kill a man, but don't kiss him." -Robert Preston; Victor/Victoria (1982)

Monday, July 05, 2004

ZMG's Review of Spider-Man 2

Before I start, I want to say that overall this is a good movie. However, if you do not have a strong constitution, you could come down with an acute case of cheese poisoning.

There was a lot of cheese in this film.

1. The unneccesary use of scream queens in the film was cheesy.

2. The "Mary Jane running through the park in her wedding dress" scene was very cheesy.

3. The "Raindrops keep falling on my head" montage was hideously cheeseball.

4. Doc Ock and Spidey doing a synchronized tumbling act along the top of the train, while well animated, was still a little bit cheesy.

5. The little old lady with the violin playing the 60's theme song was one of those hideous greasy christmas nut-covered cheeselogs kinds of cheesy.

6. The freeze frame of Peter's smiling face was like getting hit in the face with a 10-pound block of parmesan. I was so hoping that was a mistake in the film. *UGH*

7. The way Peter revealed himself so non-chalantly to Doctor Octopus (and thus inderectly to Mary Jane who was standing maybe 15 ft away) when he wouldn't do the same to J. Jonah Jameson wasn't nearly as much cheese... but it did have a bit of that familiar aroma to it.

Overall, the acting, the dialogue, the interaction between characters, and the storyline was better than the first film. Stan Lee made his requisite cameo as a guy pulling some girl away before she got clobbered by falling debris. There were plenty of little references scattered about the film. There was even one to Army of Darkness.. and I was so waiting for the Doctor with the chainsaw to say "Groovy!"

Final Grade: C+

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