Saturday, November 20, 2004

There Are No Christians in Foxholes

When an indiviudal human life becomes endangered, the human mind becomes irrational. It plunges into any wild and crazy idea that will give it the comfort it needs to move forward.

Take sports players for example. Their entire livelihoods depend on how well they perform. As such, they will resort to numerous rituals and self-inflicted psychological conditioning to make themselves as lucky as possible. Michael Jordan wore his North Carolina shorts beneath his Bulls uniform. Wade Boggs only ate chicken on game days. Jim Ohms put pennies in his jock strap after every victory. There are several rituals and superstitions that enter into every sport.

And this is only what people who play sports for a living do. People who take risks for profit on Wall Street or at the tables in Las Vegas are always looking for a little extra edge to help them beat the odds.

Now, what about soldiers. In combat situations, these people are fighting for their lives. One wrong step or movement could be the difference between waking up tomorrow morning or watching the last drops of your blood empty out of your body as you pass on into oblivion. If anyone should be prone to superstition, its these individuals. So is anyone ever truly shocked that these people will rub a plastic cross with the hopes that rubbing it in just the right way will negate any military skill that the opposing force has and will allow them to make it back to their families and loved ones in one emotional and physical piece, more or less?

Magic is a way to impose order on chaos and control that which is beyond control. This desperate "Christian magic" is no different than a baseball player who listens to the same song before going out to pitch. As such, it really can't be taken any more seriously than your standard superstition.

Its a good thing we aren't fighting an army of black cats armed with four-leaf clovers and horseshoes.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Warning: Ted Nugent Xing

Its officially deer hunting season and now its time for you would-be predators of the great wild to go out and kill a few hundred mammals. And thats just on the drive out to the camp.

I hate deer.. but, you probably know this by now. I don't know what the bag limit is on deer in this state, but I would love for it to be removed this year. Also I would love to see hunters go out and kill as many moose, wolves, mountain lions and bears as they wanted to. Moose because hitting one of them is even worse than hitting a deer. Hitting a moose will do one of two things. It will either go through the windshield of your car and plow through anyone sitting inside or it will bounce off your car, get up and start attacking your car until either you or your car are no longer moving. As for wolves, mountain lions and bears... these are critters we just don't need in the world. These are not cute and cuddly puppies, kitties and teddy bears. These are savage and dangerous inhabitants of our world. Upon meeting these creatures in the wild, they will most likely:
  1. Not care about how cute you think they are
  2. Not care about your stance on animal rights
  3. Track and run you down
  4. Kill you!
  5. Take you back to their den... in pieces if necessary
  6. Feed you to their young and then
  7. Defecate in your remains

These are not critters that need to be saved or cared for. They should be herded up and raised for either meat, bones and/or their fur. Either way, get them out of the wild. If we can knock down the ecology of the wilderness down to rabbit, fox and raccoon level, then we wouldn't have to worry about driving our cars to work without plowing into something too dumb to watch where its going and causing thousands of dollars to our vehicles. Let alone Boy Scouts that disappear on campouts.

Now go out and slaughter a few thousand critters this weekend. Wipe out a few PETAs or ALFs if they get in your way too.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

ZMG's Review of The Incredibles

First off the bat, I want to say that I've changed my mind about guns. Lets get more guns out there. Bazookas, Flame Throwers, Machine guns, Rocket Launchers, Surface to Air Missiles. WHATEVER!! Just get out there and wipe out those DAMN DEER!!! I'm talking NATIONWIDE BAMBI-CIDE!!!

Now, onto the movie. Good film. Definitely one of the best superhero movies this year. Easily better than The Punisher and Spider-Man 2. I wouldn't recommend it for children under 10 years old, but its definitely a good one. Definite franchise material. If they don't make a sequel or a trilogy out of this one, I would be very disappointed.

Highlights of the film:
  • A reference to Jason Lee's character Brodie from several Kevin Smith films.
  • Some really well choreographed action scenes reminiscent of X2.
  • An intelligent villain with relatively intelligent soldiers and a hot assistant that screws him over twice. Why twice? Because Syndrome's an ex-comic book geek. How would he ever be able to get someone that hot again?
  • Superheroes with the standard level of family dysfunction.
  • An honest look at superhero costume design. With my own LARPing experience I can really understand the "No Capes!" part.
  • Samuel L. Jackson as a relatively weak but damn smooth superhero.
  • An insurance agent gets chucked through several walls. Very cathartic.

Not really much of a downside to this movie. Very little cheese. I would have liked to seen more of Jackson's character, Frozone, near the end, but there's definitely room for more of that if they come out with a sequel. Also, in regards to the woman with the elastic abilities, those had to be the three easiest births in the history of child birth.

Final Grade: A

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Yes Dammit, That's my Final Answer!

Here's the idea for the next century. This will get rid of the bible-thumpers once and for all.

I've been trying to think about why people still take the church seriously anymore. Then it came to me. Charity work. Churches raise .. or rather, claim to raise money for the underprivileged all the time. It would only seem that out of self-interest that these underprivileged people would want to keep the churches around

So here's what we do.

All these homosexuals, atheists, pro-choicers and everyone else that have been shunned by the Church and the mother inferior need to get together and start doing fund rasiers. Raising money for those in dire straights, printing t-shirts with rainbows on them for those without clothing, food drives, getting aid to those who need it. Demonstrate to these people that being in "God's good graces" is not a prerequisite to being a charitable and honorable human being. Prove to them that you are not anti-family and the message will start to sink in.

Maybe they could even send atheistic missionaries off to foreign lands. Wouldn't that be an awesome sight? Sending aid and comfort without requiring these people to take "good christian names" or convert to any religion... because they don't have one! I, for one, would love to see the faces on the christian missionary's faces when they realize they aren't the only shop in town anymore. And because this group wouldnt be printing out bibles or making engraven images of a dead Aryan on a stick, this group will be able to send a higher percentage of donated money to those who really need it.

Give the church some real competition in the do-gooder business and I guarantee you within 50 years, people will stop listening to all these dumbass bible-thumpers. Either that or the church will actually try and pass legislation prohibiting atheists and homosexuals and pro-choicers from doing charitable work and then the world will see these fools for who they really are.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Creationism vs Astronomy

According to the Bible, the first thing God created was light in the form of the Sun. Then over the next 5 and a half days, God supposedly created the rest of the Universe. Bullshit.

And here's why...

First we'll assume God had the full six days to create the Universe after creating light. Just for Argument's sake.

6 days = 144 hours = 8640 minutes = 518400 seconds.

The fastest velocity possible in the physical universe is the speed of light. The speed of light is 299,792,458 meters per second.

This means that the total length God could have travelled in any one direction after creating light was (518400 x 299,792,458) 155,412,410,227,200 meters (155.41 trillion meters).

The nearest star is Alpha Centauri. Alpha Centauri is approximately 4.3 light years from the sun.

4.3 light years = 40,680,272,141,500,000 meters (40.68 quadrillion meters).

So you see, God could not have travelled to the next star over, let alone complete construction on the enitre universe in a mere 6 days.. or 7 days.. or 31 days. It would have taken someone 1570.54 days travelling at light speed to reach the closest star to our Solar System.

by the way, 1570.54 days = 4.3 years

Also if you want to realize how stupid creationism is, all you need to realize is that evolution has been piling on the evidence since day one and yet nothing has been found to be created out of dust since that fable began 2000 years ago except for a continual requirement for housekeeping supplies, french maid outfits and cement - which, by the way is where all bibles should be encased before being thrown once and for all to the bottom of the ocean.

In closing, I would like to add that I would allow Biology books to have stickers saying that the theories within are educated truths based on reproducible and available quantifiable facts if the bibles in this country are required to have stickers on them saying that the stories contained within are truths based on fear tactics and 2000 yr old politics and have no basis in fact.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Why the Democrats Really Won

Now here's the good news. For all of Mad King George's posturing and bullshit about 9/11 and terrorism. 82% of Manhattan Island - aka GROUND ZERO, lest you forget - said George W. Chimp couldn't get the job done!

This tells us two things:

1. Bush is a not a real leader.

2. People in Shitstain, Indiana and places south of Armpit, Tennessee are really uninformed about the real world.

What democrats really need to do is get out and actually talk to people about the true value of caring for your fellow man and educate some of these stupid hicks into realizing that maybe gay marriage isn't the worst thing in the world. Probably wont happen, because that would take effort.

But now that the Republicans are in office and in complete control of the governement (over the people, behind the people - so they can stab you or screw you, and paid for by the top 2% of the people), I say we cut back on taxes, which in turn will get John Hinckley out of a state funded medical institute and back on the street, give him a brand new assault rifle that George W Bonehead allowed to go back into public circulation, an 8x10 glossy of Jodie Foster and a map of Washington DC.

And remember, hunting season is just around the corner.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Why the Democrats Really Lost

A lot of right-winging losers are saying that the Democrats lost because they're politics are too far to the left to be taken seriously. Well excuse me to wanting care for all Americans equally. I thought we lived in the land of the free. My mistake.

Unfortunately a lot of Democrats in the higher ups are going to take this election garbage to heart and go into what the media has already dubbed "soul-searching." This means that over the next four years, the Democrats are going to look into serious pollings and try to find which minority groups they can cut loose and send off into civil liberty-less oblivion and still get a good night of sleep. The first two groups that will almost be sure to get the axe will be the homosexuals and the Non-Xtians (Athiests, Agnostics, Pagans and other people who have actually reached the age of reason). Those groups are certainly small enough that the Democrats can ignore for yet another generation or two. Women and their sexual rights will most definitely be kept around (although it may be self-defeating and I'll get to that a little later on). Blacks will be kept around unless they keep migrating over to the Republican side.

At this time, I would like to remind the African-American community that 75% of the Republican vote comes from an area of the country that still hasn't gotten over the fact that they lost the Civil War and if the African-Americans lose the interest of Democratic politicians, the Republicans will stop caring very shortly afterwards. Think northern Republicans will give a rat's ass? Mad King George was born in Connecticut (not Texas), you think he would have given a damn if 75% of his voting audience stopped caring about black civil rights? He's already tried stripping homosexual white and black people of their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (a group guaranteed, as George Carlin put it, never to have an abortion). How far away do you think you are from being put back into that cotton field? Yes, yes Abe Lincoln was a Republican and yet I offer this quote from his presidential debates:

"I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races - that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything." - The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume III, "Fourth Debate with Stephen A. Douglas at Charleston, Illinois" (September 18, 1858), pp. 145-146.

Getting back to the democratic "soul-searching", Latinos and Hispanics, except for the illegal immigrants, will probably not be trimmed because they look too much like white people.

Asians have actually done a good job with keeping their heads down and their mouths shut for the last 50 years, so they aren't really affected by the squabblings of Democrats and Republicans. They've done so well at not being noticed by the moronic masses, that a couple of homosexual Asian men (one in drag) could probably walk straight into a southern baptist church and still get married and no one would be the wiser (not that I'm claiming that a southern baptist could ever be considered as wise).

Now the Democrats can do all the soul-searching they want, but in the long run it really isn't going to make much of a difference. Unfortunately its because of what they believe in that's making the real difference.

Now, according to the US census clock the nation's population gets an estimated net gain of one person every ten seconds. Assuming the rate is constant for both Democrats and Republicans, this means that, for the most part, that since abortion has been legalized, it was only a matter of time before anti-abortionists out-numbered the pro-choicers, since, to be honest, the pro-choicers haven't been reproducing nearly as often. Mind you, I'm not saying abortion should be made illegal. If I was a woman, I'd want the right to not be considered a second-class citizen for nine months at a time. That's not fair and it isn't right. But honestly, if you have a group of people who wants the right to selectively diminish their own numbers (through abortion or assisted suicide), common sense dictates that they will eventually be in a minority to a second group who don't want anyone to have the selective right to diminish their own numbers.

Now don't you find it incredibly stupid that that second group seems to want the right to selectively diminish the population of every other group in the world and yet it becomes immoral to selectively diminish their own?

But to be completely fair, the anti-abortionists have no business claiming victory yet. They have elected a braindead war-mongering zealot into the White House and sooner or later the moron is going to re-instate the draft to keep his personal holy war going (he can't just stop at Iraq, he's gotta keep going to end ALL terrorism everywhere as he promised). Its the only real solution the man has left since every other country is walking away from this lying sack of shit. And as soon as he does, the lower and middle class Republicans will be seeing a very quick drop in their youthful population as the Democratic youth will be burning draftcards and going on extended vacations in Canada. The upper class children will, of course, get their usual get-out-of-draft-free cards. See the movie Dragonslayer for more information on how that upper-class bullshit works and then compare Bush's and Kerry's service records. But in the long run, the conservatives are indeed going to thin out their own numbers through their own massive moral stupidity and the liberals will get their land of the free back.

Conservatives are all in favor of the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own. If you're pre-born, you're fine. If you're preschool, you're fucked. -George Carlin

Liberals don't hate America. Liberals just have little patience for those without the emotional or mental capacity to care for all Americans equally. - ME

SPECIAL UPDATE: Mad King George's plans are already being put into play.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

So, what did we learn today boys and girls?

The rights of minorities still hold second place to the bible. The homosexual community in the United States has my deepest sympathies.

The Electoral College is still NOT representative of the people's voice. If it was, we wouldn't be waiting on the outcome of 140,000 provisional ballots.

The all-inclusive term "Terrorism" has only scared maybe 2 million voters since 9/11 into submission.

America is slowly slipping into... well an "elitist society" would the wrong term to use since it implies that we are elite or better in regards to someone else.. I think "self-consumed crusader empire" would be a more appropriate fit.

America as a land of the free has failed. America as a land of economical, cultural and spiritual supremacists is now the norm. Hail the white Xtian masters.

My condolences to those individuals with cancer and other degenerative diseases. You'll have to wait at least another 4 years to gain any hope from stem cell research. Also my condolences to the feminist movement, your sexual freedoms will nnow be stripped from you because you thought that common sense could actually sway people. To people of other faiths, other than xtianity, you are now second and third class citizens.

I dont give a shit what Jeff Foxworthy says, there is NOTHING glorious about a lack of sophistication.

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