Saturday, July 30, 2005

How Many Boy Scout Leaders Does it Take...

How many Boy Scout Leaders does it take to call off a Jamboree?

5.. *Bzzzt*..
make that 4.. *Bzzzt*..
make that 3.. *Bzzzt*..
2?.. *Bzzt*..
1?.. *Bzzt*..
Aw Crap

4 Electrocuted
300 suffering from heat exhaustion
and now 2 dead from lightning


Friday, July 29, 2005

Freedom of Speech Vs Right to Bare Arms

Illinois just passed a new law that would keep guns out of the hands of domestic abusers and make it mandatory for gun shows to require background checks, keep those records for 10 years after the purchase and hand those records over to the police whenever they want to.

Naturally, the nutjobs in the NRA-ILA are calling this out as anti-gun legislation.

My question is why is it that when people write a book, or a novel or a paper on a subject, they want their name to be associated with the project under copyright laws, but the people who want guns don't want anyone to know they have them? If they want to actually make people believe that owning a gun is, by itself, not an illegal act, then why are they so afraid of having people know they own one?

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My Form Letter Response to All Rejection Letters

Dear Asshole,

Thank you for overlooking me in such an efficient manner. I especially liked that you gave absolutely no reason as to why you have rejected me. Was it that I was over-qualified for a position that a trained monkey could have done or, for that matter, supervised? Or was it that you were too cheap to shill out enough dough to match my experience level? Perhaps you are just waiting around for that talentless bimbo with the giant knockers who can't even spell "experience" let alone gain any without kneepads on to apply.

Whatever the reason, thank you for your time in sending me this emotionless letter, you insensitive prick. Fuck you and I hope you get hit with a mack truck.

Take care,
The guy behind you with an axe

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Beam Him Up, Scotty!

James Doohan has died today at the age of 85 from a combination of Alzheimers and pneumonia after getting the shit kicked out of him by Parkinson's.

Truly a man that suffered the ravages of time. Rest well and find peace.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

MTV's The Real Wrong

I've been watching The Real World on MTV ever since Puck showed America his recipe for peanut butter ala snot ball. I gotta say I thought that was as digusting as it could get until this season.

They have this military nurse out in Austin this year and this little bimbo is so totally convinced that the war in Iraq is justified and to make matters worse she has this jarhead boyfriend telling her on the phone that she serves the armed forces in Iraq so that other Americans could have their right to speak their opinion. ***RETCH***

I have to say that I am a little amused whenever any military moron uses this excuse to justify any military action from the last 50 years when its obvious its such complete bullshit. Sometimes militray action is neccesary to protect American civil liberties. American terrorists during the American Revolution died to give me the right to speak my opinions. Americans died in Afghanistan as a neccesary military retaliation for the attacks on 9/11. NO ONE died in Iraq to protect or perserve ANY American's rights. NO ONE. Sorry to disappoint you veterans who thought you were serving America over there and it sucks that you deep-throated and swallowed this bullshit story so completely, but the fact remains that Saddam Hussein had NO connections to Al Qaeda in that they were two political factions, with very divergent political goals, in the same region of the world.

Yes, Saddam and Bin Laden met once, as political figures tend to do from time to time, but that means nothing. Reagan and Gorbachev met several times. That doesn't mean that Reagan was a communist.

Grow up, jarheads. Just because someone stuck a rifle in your hands and waved a flag in your face that doesn't mean you get to kill people without proper justification.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

ZMG's Review of Fantastic Four

A lot of critics are comparing this movie with the excellent portrayal of Batman in Batman Begins. However, Fantastic Four has never been that dark a comic*, so the intense level of drama has never been there. So its not really that fair of a comparison. This movie could easily be regarded as a family movie.

This, unfortunately, means that the plotline would be too simple for anyone over the age of 8.

The characters are very simplistic - which is ok since, outside Chiklis, the actors can't act - and no one is that deep, including the film's biggest disappointment, Doctor Victor Von Doom. Arguably Marvel comic's greatest villain is flattened, in this film, into a very cookie cutter role with absolutely no menace in his voice at all. Listening to Doctor Doom plot was like listening to Mr Rogers talk about a bad day at the office. Also the character has been given some very similar background story elements as compared to the Green Goblin in the movie Spider-Man. In Spider-Man, the Green Goblin lives in a green-roofed mansion on top of a large skyscraper. In Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom also lives in a green-roofed mansion on top of a large skyscraper. In Spider-Man, the Green Goblin's alter-ego's company falters and his investors kick him out so the Green Goblin kills them. In Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom's company falters and his investors pull out so Doctor Doom kills the leader of them. Both villains try to make a partnership with their respective adversaries before trying to kill them. Both villains approach their adversaries with a 'sadistic choice' that will ultimately define their true path and destiny as heroes.

The other problem, as I've mentioned before, is the plotline is very, very simple. Doctor Doom's ulitmate plan doesn't get much deeper than 'get them' and feels like it comes from a half hour saturday morning cartoon show. The science involved in Doctor Doom's attack on the Fantastic Four and vice versa is elementary at best and apparently neither Doctor Doom nor Mr Fantastic are intelligent enough to come up with anything better in a crisis. The final resolution is so simple that it doesn't even qualify as deus ex machina.

There are also a couple of medium-sized plotholes in the movie. The first one deals with Ben Grimm's second transformation into the Thing. In the storyline, Mr Fantastic creates a machine that can reverse and apparently un-reverse the process of the gaining fantastic powers by bathing people in energies similar to the cosmic storm. But in order for it to work, he needs more power than he is able to generate himself. Doctor Doom comes in and is able to give the machine power through his own energy and the Thing is transformed back into Ben Grimm. The plothole occurs when Ben Grimm decides to go back and is somehow able to transform back without the aid of Doctor Doom's added power boost. The second plothole is at the end, Doctor Doom is apparently able to be picked up and transported back to Latveria without any kind of red tape involved. A minor plot hole, but enough of one to make me scratch my head.

Highlights of the film:
  • Jessica Alba in a skin tight outfit
  • Jessica Alba in her bra and panties
  • An army of robo-bimbos with about as much acting talent as any other actor in the film surrounding Johnny Storm at all times to help the male members of the audience forget how much Chris Evans can't act.
Final Grade: C- Dropped from a C for using the Wilhelm scream twice.

*The only time Fantastic Four was a decent dark comic was when Marvel Mangaverse came out and Reed Richards was portrayed as a chauvinistic, sexaholic scientist who only used his ability in the sack and to increase the number of neural connections in his brain when boosts of raw intelligence were needed while the other three members' abilities were augmented so they could each control a 100' humanoid version of themselves. Jonatha Storm piloted a giant being of fire, Sioux Storm piloted a giant being of invisible force, and Benjamin piloted a giant being of rock, metal and assorted pieces of rubble.

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Wrath of Hurricane Dennis???

Its no wonder why no one cares about the imminent danger this tropical death cloud is posing to the United States with a name like Hurricane Dennis. Hurricane Dennis sounds like the name of a Monty Python sketch.

I've got a solution for this. I think the government should rent out Hurricane names to comic book companies. Think about it. With the amount of money people spend on comic book movies, good or bad, I know people would pay more attention to storms if they had more recognizable villianous names like Hurricane Doom or Hurricane Luthor. This would also create a much needed economic shot in the arm for the comics industry.

As for the London bombing. I am not going to speculate one way or the other until I hear evidence that this was an Al Qaeda bombing. Who knows? It could have been some punk kid enacting a scene out of some ultra-violent video game.

Has anyone else noticed that no one blames the violent tendencies of Al Qaeda terrorists on video games or movies? Maybe its because the conservatives are too busy trying to rationalize their own violent tendencies right now.

I also wonder if the word "WAR" had originally been 15 letters long and had more than three syllables if the reactionary conservative idiots in this country would be so quick to start or support one.

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