Saturday, October 23, 2004

ZMG's Top 100 Fight Scenes

This is just a little project I've been working on for a while now. When I go online to the IMDB, I am always reading posts made by people who place their 100 top films of all time and after a while they get a little boring. So I decided to make my own list, not of the best movies, but just of the best fight scenes in movies.

  1. Darth Vader vs. Luke Skywalker (Empire Strikes Back)
  2. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Boromir vs. the Uruk-hai (The Fellowship of the Ring)
  3. Battle at Sterling (Braveheart)
  4. Superman vs. General Zod, Ursa and Non (Superman II)
  5. Indiana Jones vs. Arab Swordsman (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
  6. Rocky Balboa vs. Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)
  7. Neo vs. Morpheus (The Matrix)
  8. King Arthur vs. The Black Knight (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  9. Westley vs. Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)
  10. C.D. Bales vs. Dart Champion; insults included (Roxanne)
  11. The Ents vs. Isengard (The Two Towers)
  12. Neo vs. Agent Smith outside Rm. 303 (The Matrix)
  13. God vs. The Nazis (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
  14. Inigo Montoya vs. Count Tyrone Rugen (The Princess Bride)
  15. Westley vs. Vizzini (The Princess Bride)
  16. Tyler Durden vs. The Narrator in the parking garage (Fight Club)
  17. Michael vs. David (The Lost Boys)
  18. Puss in Boots vs. Castle Guards (Shrek 2)
  19. Sir Lancelot vs. Swamp Castle (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  20. Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion (Mortal Kombat)
  21. Wolverine vs. Stu (X-men)
  22. Gandalf vs. The Balrog (The Fellowship of the Ring)
  23. Rick O’Connell vs. Imhotep’s Priests (The Mummy)
  24. Football Fight (Flash Gordon)
  25. Mad Max vs. The Blaster (Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome)
  26. Robin Hood vs. High Sheriff of Nottingham at the end (The Adventures of Robin Hood)
  27. Battle for Helm’s Deep (The Two Towers)
  28. Blade vs. the Bloodbath Rave (Blade)
  29. Lone Star vs. Dark Helmet (Spaceballs)
  30. Indiana Jones vs. The 1st Mechanic (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
  31. Yu Xiu Lien vs. Jiao Long (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
  32. Joe vs. Angel Eyes vs. Tuco (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly)
  33. Knights of the Round Table vs. the French Knights (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  34. Carl Spackler vs. Mr. Gopher (Caddyshack)
  35. Baron Munchausen, Berthold, Albrecht, Adolphus, and Gustavus vs. the Sultan’s Army (The Adventures of Baron Munchausen)
  36. Ellen Ripley vs. Alien Queen (Aliens)
  37. The Baseball Bat Scene (The Untouchables)
  38. Magneto vs. Military Guards at Alkali Lake (X2)
  39. Sauron vs. The Army of Men and Elves (The Fellowship of the Ring)
  40. The Hanson Brothers vs. Hyannisport (Slap Shot)
  41. Godzilla, Mothra and Rodan vs. King Ghidrah (Ghidrah)
  42. The Narrator vs. The Narrator in the corporate office (Fight Club)
  43. T-800 vs. T-1000 in the steel mill (Terminator 2)
  44. Hawkmen vs. War Rocket Ajax (Flash Gordon)
  45. Jason and the Argonauts vs. The Skeleton Fighters (Jason and the Argonauts)
  46. Freddy Krueger vs. Jason Voorhees at Camp Crystal (Freddy vs. Jason)
  47. Hulk vs. the US Military (Hulk)
  48. Nada vs. Frank (They Live)
  49. Martin Riggs vs. Mr. Joshua (Lethal Weapon)
  50. Topper Harley vs. The Kickboxing Opponent (Hot Shots: Part Deux)
  51. Butch vs. Maynard and Zed (Pulp Fiction)
  52. Charlie vs. Hank (Me, Myself and Irene)
  53. Ash vs. Ash’s hand (Evil Dead 2)
  54. Bowen vs. Draco (Dragonheart)
  55. Rick Deckard vs. Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
  56. The Bride vs. The Crazy 88 (Kill Bill: Vol. 1)
  57. Leeloo vs. Mangalores (The Fifth Element)
  58. Martin Riggs vs. Roger Murtaugh in their first meeting (Lethal Weapon)
  59. Alex vs. Frank Alexander after Alex had been locked in the attic (A Clockwork Orange)
  60. Egon Spengler, Peter Venkman, and Ray Stantz vs. The Library Ghost (Ghostbusters)
  61. Brom Van Brunt and Ichabod Crane vs. The Hessian (Sleepy Hollow)
  62. Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (Tombstone; 1993)
  63. Neo vs. Multiple Agent Smiths (The Matrix Reloaded)
  64. Yoda vs. Count Dooku (Attack of the Clones)
  65. The Mud Fight (McLintock!)
  66. King Arthur vs. Lancelot (Excalibur)
  67. Lt. Mike Harrigan vs. The Predator (Predator 2)
  68. Bart vs. Mongo (Blazing Saddles)
  69. Vera vs. Quick (Harlem Knights)
  70. Ben Richards vs. Buzzsaw (The Running Man)
  71. The Bar Fight (The Devil’s Brigade)
  72. Gorgeous George vs. Micky O’Neil (Snatch)
  73. Robocop vs. Cain “Robocop” (Robocop 2)
  74. King Kong vs. Godzilla
  75. Chang Sings vs. Wing Kongs vs. Rain, Thunder and Lightning (Big Trouble in Little China)
  76. Blade vs. Reinhardt and the Guards (Blade II)
  77. The Punisher vs. The Russian (The Punisher)
  78. Bambi vs. Godzilla (Bambi meets Godzilla)
  79. Wesley vs. Prince Humperdink (The Princess Bride)
  80. Snake Plissken vs. Four Gunmen in the ‘Bangkok Rules’ Gunfight (Escape from L.A.)
  81. The Food Fight (Animal House)
  82. Roger Mortis and Doug Bigelow vs. Zombie Bank Robbers (Dead Heat)
  83. Trinity vs. The Police (The Matrix)
  84. Happy Gilmore vs. Bob Barker (Happy Gilmore)
  85. Breaker Mahoney vs. Cyrus’ Team (Thir13en Ghosts)
  86. Ash vs. Bad Ash at the castle (Army of Darkness)
  87. Yellowbeard vs. The Monks on the beach (Yellowbeard)
  88. Sloth vs. The Fratelli Brothers (The Goonies)
  89. Wang Chi vs. Thunder (Big Trouble in Little China)
  90. Top Dollar vs. Eric Draven (The Crow)
  91. “Bruce” Leroy Green vs. Sho’nuff (The Last Dragon)
  92. Dorothy vs. The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)
  93. Francis Xavier Cross vs. The Ghost of Christmas Present (Scrooged)
  94. Shiwan Khan vs. Lamont Cranston in the restaurant (The Shadow)
  95. A-ko vs. The Max 5000 (Project A-ko)
  96. Roughnecks vs. The Bugs at the fort (Starship Troopers)
  97. Lisa vs. Chet Donnelly (Weird Science)
  98. Frederic vs. The Pirate King (The Pirate Movie)
  99. Madmartigan vs. General Kael (Willow)
  100. Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh vs. Wah Sing Ku (Lethal Weapon 4)

Sunday, October 17, 2004

ZMG's Review of Team America: World Police

There are two types of people in the world. Those who divide the world into two types of people and those who don't. Trey Parker and Matt Stone don't divide the world into two types of people they divide the world into three types: dicks, pussies and assholes.

Team America: World Police's underlying theme is that dicks fuck everyone, pussies hate dicks and assholes shit over everyone. That's about as deep as the movie gets and this movie uses every vulgar and bizarre method to express an over-simplified theme that only uses the analogies that work for their own message (not unlike Michael Moore). In the end this movie comes across as being as poignant as Andy Kaufman and as politically correct as Sam Kinison. The movie is about 50% funny, 45% retarded, and 5% insightful.

Another main theme is that people should not go to actors for political advice - they should go to bad voice actors instead. I never understood why people give actors such a hard time for giving their own opinions on politics. It seems that the people that buy supermarket tabloid trash don't mind the press hounding these actors day and night as long as they don't use that publicity to give out their own personal opinions of the world.

I was however shocked over the fact that neither John Kerry nor George W. Bush was mentioned in this film.

Highlights of the film include:
  1. A 4 minute dramatic barfing scene
  2. A puppet porn scene (It is only out of the most perverse curiosity that I want to see the unedited version of that)
Final Grade: Incomplete. Do over.

I look forward to seeing Kim Jong Il's reaction to Trey Parker and Matt Stone's film about as much as I'm sure George Bush Sr. will look forward to seeing Michael Moore blow up.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

A few things to say before the election

1. If Kerry can take Ohio and Pennsylvania, he'll win without a doubt.

2. If you are looking to use a write in slot (For libertarians, independents, etc), you must ASK to be shown how to use it because it is against the law for officials at the polls to voluntarily show you how to access it.

3. Go see Team America: World Police. We'll all need a good laugh before this crap election takes place.

4. Go here to make sense of all the crap being tossed around by both sides.

5. If there is any karma in the universe, all politicians in the DC area will drop dead on Halloween.

I need a drink.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Give Me Libertarian or Give Me Death

I've considered it. I've considered voting Libertarian. And I will admit, the Libertarian party has some interesting ideas. I think their views on the environment and freedom of expression and the seperation between church and state is very uplifting. Their views on censorship and personal sexual reltaionships is heartwarming when compared to the current administration.

HOWEVER... they also have a lot of other views that I do not agree with. I do NOT believe that putting more guns in the street is a way to stop gun crime. I do not share their definition as to what a "victimless crime" is. While I do believe social security is a joke, I don't believe cutting taxes in half will do anything positive for the country. I also believe their statistical analysis between crime and drug prohibition is simplistic. Their solution is to end drug prohibition and I can assure you certain drugs, like Crystal Meth, have no business ever being legal.

In addition, I like job security. I like holding onto the hope that I can get a job and make a reasonable amount of money and reach a decent standard of living without having to worry about some guy fresh from some third world country coming in and taking my job from me because he's willing to live in a mudhole with 13 of his friends and family and work for one-tenth of my salary. Call me a socialist, but I feel the time and effort you put into an organization should mean something to that group and should not be thrown away at the drop of a hat.

To me it seems that they want to try and promote personal responsiblity by creating the most socially irresponsible environment. While it may seem promising at first, their world vision reminds me of the mining towns I see crumble into social-economic chaos on the History Channel.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

R - E - S - P - E - C - T

Rodney Dangerfield, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, has died today. No words can truly express the loss this means to the entertainment industry. So instead, I will merely use the words of the great legend himself:

"And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!" - Back to School

"When I was born the doctor slapped my mother"

"I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."

"I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in the library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face."

"I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing."

"I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms."

"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out, then bring one every ten minutes." - Back to School

"I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me."

"My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat."

"She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks."

"She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled 'rape', they yelled 'No'."

"What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it."

"Siskel and Ebert caught my show. They gave me one finger up." - Meet Wally Sparks

"Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire."

"Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money."

"Even in hell I get no respect." - Little Nicky

"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!" - Caddyshack

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Brainwash... Rinse... Media Spin

I want to talk about these marijuana ads that keep coming out these days where people are shown smoking pot while driving and its affecting their driving abilities. Either that or there's some kid crying because someone he knew got run over by someone else who was smoking pot and then driving. And the tagline is saying: marijuana.. its more dangerous than we all think.

Now let me see if I can understand what this ad is saying. These commercials have established that: drunk driving is dangerous and illegal, smoking marijuana makes you about as dangerous behind the wheel as someone who drinks alcohol before getting behind the wheel, and then concludes that smoking marijuana is dangerous and should remain illegal.

Well, right off the bat I can also see that this commercial is telling me that smoking marijuana is no more dangerous for you than drinking alcohol and while drinking alcohol is still legal as long as you don't drive afterwards, smoking marijuana should still be illegal in any scenario.

I mean, let's take an objective look at these two drugs. Alcohol is a toxin to humans. If you drink it day and night eventually you will get alcohol poisoning and die. Marijuana on the other hand, can be smoked day and night and you will never die. It is not physically possible for the human body to take in enough marijuana in a short enough time for it to be lethal.

Alcohol can be used to make mixed drinks that can fuck you up even faster and send you on your way to a lethal case of alcohol poisoning that much easier. Marijuana and more specifically, hemp, can be used to make clothing, rope, bags, food, paper and much more.

When people drink alcohol they can become abusive and violent. When people smoke pot they become mellow and get a case of the munchies. Regardless of what early government studies say, pot will not turn you into a psycho murderer. At the most you might shoplift a pack of twinkies.

Over time, both alcohol and marijuana abuse can and will screw up your physical and emotional well being. However, the same can be said for any legal or illegal drug, caffiene included. Also both alcohol and marijuana can become addictive. If you want to get really nasty, it can be shown that the long term effects of legal artificial sweetners will do more damage to you over the long run than pot will.

So why is alcohol legal and marijuana illegal? I don't get it. Its just the spin it takes in the media, I guess. Mind you, I'm not saying that all drugs are the same or that you should go out and get stoned. Both alcohol and marijuana are addictive substances just like nicotine. Its just out of alcohol, marijuana and nicotine.. only one wont kill you. Surprisingly, its the only one of the three that's illegal.

Kinda the same way Republicans think Dan Rather should be fired for misleading America with questionable documents and George W Chimp should get four more years.

Again, I don't get it.

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