Monday, June 21, 2004

My ass on the one dollar bill.

I want to talk about dumb ideas today. Today, I witnessed a severe lack of planning which led me to an even dumber idea later on.

The powers that be, in the small town I live in, have decided to start some much needed repairs on a long stretch of road. This much I have no problem with. What I do find disturbing is how they decided to put the damn Road Closed sign a good 500 feet down the road from the nearest intersection. This is a major pain in my ass I don't need first thing in the morning, let me tell you.

So I do a Y-turn in the middle of the road. No cops around, thankfully. I head on back and sure enough there is a Detour sign (no mention of which road it was detouring for though), and I take this long and winding detour over choppy railroad tracks and roads even more decrepit than the one they are fixing. Joy.

Now here's where the second dumb idea comes into play. My father and I are carpooling to work and we see this chick jogging along in a skin tight outfit on one side of the road. On the other side of the road is a fuckin' federal prison. My first thought.. this woman has some serious brass to be out jogging alone next a goddamn prison like that. My second thought.. this woman is just asking to get raped by some escapee waiting in the tall grass and when she does get her ass handed to her, I am not going to feel a damn bit sorry for her. I figure if you are so uptight about cellulite forming on your thighs that you have to put yourself in that kind of danger then you get what you deserve. Unreal.

Another dumb idea I've been hearing lately is how they want to put Reagan's trickled-down face on the 10 dollar bill. The last thing we need is for any president in the last 25 years to have his face plastered on any kind of daily reminder for the people that this is the kind of leadership we've been suffering through. However, not being the totally heartless s.o.b. that I usually am, I think it would be appropriate to see the past five presidents' faces put on something to remind the country of the bang-up job each of them did in office.

Jimmy Carter - Peanut Oil (let's face it, that's about all there was to the guy)
Ronald Reagan - Ketchup Bottle (hey, they both counted as vegetables at one time)
George Bush Sr - Box of Used Thumbtacks (No New Tacks... okay, its a stretch)
Bill Clinton - Box of Cigars (to smoke after you do something that actually qualifies as sex)
Mad King George - Toilet Paper (2-ply; 'cause he's a uniter, not a divider)

If ignorance is bliss and Conservatives go on and on about how Liberals are always miserable about something, what does that say about the Conservatives?

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