Monday, May 16, 2005

The Dehumanization of Job Hunting

I hate looking for jobs. I hate it. I hate the whole lousy repulsive retarded process with every fiber of my being.


I mean, could there possibly be a more dehumanizing ego-driven process in today's civilized society? Think about it. First you read the ad which usually reads like a requistion form for a piece of furniture. The applicant must be 3 ft wide, 5 ft long, 4 ft high with four drawers on each side, ivory handles and a secret compartment for holding pens and assorted stress toys. Then comes the writing of the cover letter, or as I like to call it, the formal request to take a turn at sucking the CEO's dick. Then you update your resume which explans to the CEO in which positions you want to be placed in before, while and after sucking his dick. The resume also has a list of all the dicks you've sucked previously which in turn will tease the CEO into thinking you suck dick well. So you put the formal dick sucking request and the sick sucking positions and the list of dicks you've sucked previously and send it in a freshly licked envelope to the corporate offices of Sukma D, Inc. 954 Shlong Ave Hardwood, CA nine-oh-too-up-yours.

You would think that a man getting a formal request to suck his dick would be impressed enough to open and read your request first hand. Nooooo. You don't deserve that honor yet. First your dick sucking request must go to the head of dick sucking resources. This person with years of experience in placing the proper dick suckers in the proper dick sucking positions will decide if your request for dick sucking is worthy of an interview to see how well you can suck dick.

So you get an interview, not with the head dick, but with a lesser dick, who may have been a dick sucking pee-on like you at one time. This is when you get to show off how well you can suck dick. I dare say that at this time you will need to suck dick harder and better than you will while you are sucking your CEO's dick. Can't suck dick great all the time you know. Gotta pace yourself. Now if the process so far hasn't dehumanized you enough, the next question this fuckface asks will drop your ass down a few notches guaranteed...

"Why do you want to work for this company?"

What kind of egomaniacal asshole asks this kind of question? Imagine, to not be satisfied enough with your corporate success with your penthouse style offices, your rave reviews from your stockholders, or even the personalized monogrammed napkins in the corporate lunchroom that you have to ask some no name fresh out of college to stroke your own ego??? Now, of course the honest answer to this would be...

"Because I don't want to starve to death while huddled under a blanket made of newpapers under a bridge, you corporate dipshit."

But you can't say that. It ruins the mood of the whole dick sucking experience. So you take a deep breath, swallow hard and pretend that you would actually enjoy sucking this and every other dick your CEO wants your to suck for the rest of your life even if you got a chance later on down the road to never have to suck dick again. Afterwards you have to send the coporation a thank you note for giving you the time to come in and suck their dicks.

I know. The whole process leaves a bad taste in my mouth too.

So then you finally get the job. Then the real dehumanizing begins. Then you are compressed and filed away. You are turned into a social security number, an address, a corporate ID, a telephone number, a fax number, a pager number, an office number, a floor number. You are reduced from a living breathing human being into an extended number, filed neatly away behind four pseudo cubicle walls with only a glory hole so that you can suck the dick of anyone who happens to walk by. And you will stay that way for the rest of your life unless you get lucky and someone feels you need to file you away in larger place where you get a couple of your digits changed and you get to suck bigger dicks through a bigger glory hole and then maybe get your own dick sucked once in a while. Yuck.

Stick that in your graduation speech and smoke it.

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