Thursday, December 09, 2004

This is Just Too Funny Not To Share

For the last couple days I've been involved in an online game called NationStates which is based upon a book named Jennifer Government. In this game people come in and make their own country, design their own flag and set their rules as according to new issues that come up.

My country is the The United Socialist States of Raust and my current UN category is labelled as Democratic Socialists. In creating your own country, you are also able to select your currency and your national animal. For money I chose the Stone (a reference to my larping days) and for my animal, I did something novel and went the common sense appraoch and chose the human as my nation's animal.. which currently frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests. As the days go on I vote on the issues as they come up and my decisions effect the outcome of Raust as a whole.

For example, yesterday I had to decide on whether to send more money into the military of my country. One side said the military needed more money for more weapons and the other side said "make love, not war". After considering a possible economic boost while counting the large bribe I took from the corporate contractors and considering the lack of planning in the safe and environmentally friendly manner of disarming and removing current and older weapons while bending the peaceful hippie-chick lobbyist over my desk and having my way with her.. I decided both sides were lacking in credibility and therefore dismissed the issue entirely.

Its good to be the king.

Ok. So, this morning, I get up and I look at my new issues to decide upon as lord high master and I come across this title: Humans on the Dinner Table?

I did a double take. Cannibalism? So soon? Wow, looks like my people are a tad more liberal than most.

So I click open the page and read the three opinions concering the outcome of our beloved national animal:
  1. "The fact is, the human population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Abraham Dodinas. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have human kebabs, human pies, human-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."
  2. "I agree that something needs to be done about human over-population," says random passer-by Beth Rubin, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."
  3. "I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Lars Clinton. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The humans were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The human is part of what makes Raust a great nation!"

After laughing my ass off for about 5 minutes I realized I just had to share to share this with the rest of you. My loyal readers. All two of you.

Regardless, I'm not sure how I'm going to vote on this issue. This requires serious thought... and the occasional fit of laughter.

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