Sex Workers Make For Lousy Candidates

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Bush, Would You Like Pie with Your Hamas?

Bush has really put his own balls into a vice grip on this one and time is turning the crank. Hamas is the new ruling political party of Palestine. Democratically elected by the people and sworn in.

The only victory that Bush has ever been able to use is bringing "Democracy" to the Middle East. And now its being thrown right back into his face as a true failure.

As it is, Bush now has three options.. and they all suck.

1. Bush can stick to his "democratic" guns and applaud the new Palestine government and keep sending aid to them even though they were the LAST people the US, or anyone else, wanted in power and they will most likely use that aid to terrorize and to attack Israel.

2. Bush can stop funding Palestine causing them to look elsewhere for money and partnerships.. say from other large, more renown political organizations in the region.. like Al Qaeda and the insurgency in Iraq. I'm sure as long as there is money to be exchanged in the Middle East, Bush's buddies from Saudi Arabia will be there with kneepads on.

3. Bush can invade Palestine and show the rest of the world just what "bringing Democracy to the Middle East" really means to him.

Bush has backed himself into a corner on this one and not even Karl Rove can save his dumb ass this time.

Gotta Love Being a Member of a Fight Club

I larp.. or rather I used to. Larp stands for Live-action role-playing. In a nutshell, you run around the woods, dressed up in medieval period clothing and beat the hell out of each other with foam weapons as according to the personal political belief of whatever character you are portraying.

I used to larp. Now I am involved in a fight club. The difference? This particular "larp" has no characters in it. Sure you can choose a goofy name for yourself - mine happens to be Barakas - but without any kind of role playing, its just people beating up on each other... and its a hell of a workout.

And right now, I am very, very sore.

I do miss the role-playing aspect of it and if I can ever get any support, I will be creating a new larp in whatever area I end up in. As usual, I have lots of ideas for one. As my friends and I did before, we would be basing it off a group on the east coast called Darkon. However, unlike them, I would be removing certain rules while expanding others. For example, the three basic aspects of a person that transfer the best into a larping character are: Strength (ability to fight), Intelligence (ability to prepare) and Wit (ability to think on one's feet). These are the abilities that determine which class a player is best suited for. In the current Darkon rules there are only 9 classes, each with their own special abilities and skills to aid the player in their role and in battle. These 9 classes fall within the three main aspects as follows:

Strength: Fighter, Monk
Strength & Intelligence: Cleric, Cavalier
Intelligence: Druid, Mage
Wit: Thief, Assassin
Wit, Strength & Intelligence: Ranger

Its not a bad selection, but its not a great one either. For example, there are neither classes available for those with Intelligence and Wit nor are there classes for those with Strength and Wit. Therefore, one of the main things I intend to do is extend this selection to a total of 19 classes. This new series breaks down as follows:

Strength: Fighter, Monk, and Berserker
Strength & Intelligence: Cleric, Cavalier, and Alchemist
Intelligence: Druid, Mage, and Necromancer
Intelligence & Wit: Astrologer, Artificer, and Bard
Wit: Thief, Assassin, and Jester
Wit & Strength: Scout, Pirate and Hunter
Wit, Strength & Intelligence: Ranger

Within each aspect, there are three classes that are devoted purely to that aspect, six classes that are shared with the other two aspects (three each), and one that is shared with both of the other aspects (Ranger). This means that for every aspect, there are now a total of 10 classes to choose from.

Also, one of the problems I noticed from my previous larp was a lack of participation in getting other people to bring in new members. So in order to change that, I also want to create a recruitment reward plan so that a player can earn up to 3 bonus credits for every new player they bring in, depending on what class they ultimately choose for themselves. For example, if the group is running short on Mages or Jesters but heavy on Fighters or Clerics, a player could earn 3 credits for bringing in someone who decides to play a Jester, but only 1 credit for bringing in another Fighter. A player regularly earns one credit per event and it takes 5 credits to advance a player's character one skill level. So if a player brings in 2-3 more players, then that player can advance that much faster.

These are just some of the ideas that I have for a great larp. Hopefully, I should be able to get something going within the next year or so. But first I still need to find a job.

When the Hatchet Fell, I Got the Axe

I'm out of a job again. The company I worked for was bought out two weeks ago by an organization from Ohio called Domin-8. Apparently they needed our sales and customer support staff because they were having problems getting people to trust them... go figure.

Anyways, yesterday the hatchet came down and I was one of about ten that got the axe. Chances are more will follow as not many want to trade in their weekly Happy Hour and relaxed dress code just so they can move to Ohio and talk to people on the phone. Yesterday, four of the people from Domin-8 flew in to Madison and called a staff meeting. Then a few of us were called out of the room. They led us back upstairs and sat us down and then told us we were casualties of war and that we were being locked out fo the system as we were speaking. One guy had just lost his father last week so I already felt bad for him. When we got the news together, his reaction was "Well, Happy New Year!" and that pretty much summed it up for the rest of us too.

When those four return to Ohio, may their plane crash into the ground in a fiery ball of twisted metal.

TEN MILLION BOUNTY!!!

Attention to all demons, devils, angels and gods:

I am placing a Ten Million Soul Bounty on the head of each and every person who uses the bible to justify their hatred of gays, blacks, abortionists, other religious people, and scientists.

Payment will be made upon proof of the destruction of the individual and the "act of god/devil" was done entirely by the entity claiming the reward.

ZMG's 100th Post: Stealing Christmas from the Christians

Well its that time of year again when the theists come out of the woodwork to proclaim that this month is only for Christians and followers of the one true faith. Whackjobs like Dildo O'Reilly have already claimed that saying Happy Holidays takes the season away from Christians. Shmucker Carlson also blabs on his blog that the fact that rational people fear a day that celebrates those individuals who couldn't validate their supernatural beliefs to save their lives somehow validates the notion that religious faith is alive and well. Don't know what Crayon Coulter is saying these days.. don't care. I only save my rage for those who are actually some kind of threat. As soon as her beauty fades, or conservative programs stop showing leggy photos of her instead of ever actually trying to validate a single thing she says (not like they can validate anything they say either), people will stop listening to her as they did that other Dr Laura Whatever-her-name-was who had her show yanked quicker than the Chevy Chase Show.

So many people to despise for being so stupid, so little time.

Well it seems to me that the ultra-whackjob conservatives don't want to share this time of the year with other religions because it appears to be taking religion away from those who want to believe in their faith. Well ok, but if that's the stance the religious rejects are going to take, then let's be fair about it.

Here are some of the major traditions of Christmas and their origins:

• Christmas Trees are derivative of Saturnalia (Ancient Rome) or many other Winter Solstice festivities as celebrated by polytheistic pagans long before jesus.
• Mistletoe was part of druidic worship because it was looked upon as promise of the return of spring.
• Yule Logs were burned as part of an ancient pagan festival known as Yuletide.
• December 25th was a date used by Persians to celebrate the birth of their sun god, Mithras until the Pope in 320 AD decided to officially declare (translation: Stop worshipping your sun god you pagans!) that it was to be the day to recognize the birth of jesus.
  
• Gift giving, while attributed to St Nicholas, was also a tradition during Saturnalia.
  

So, the way I see it. If the truly devout Christians don't want to share this time of the year with other faiths, then I see no reason for them to be allowed to have these traditions as well since they came from other religions.

After all, you God Warriors can't have it both ways.

Dildo O'Reilly and the Turner Diaries

It took me five minutes of watching Dildo O'Reilly trying to attack his critics to make me realize what he really is. He's nothing really special. Dildo is nothing more than a televised version of William Pierce.

William Pierce is the whackjob who wrote The Turner Diaries and like Dildo O'Reilly, Pierce believes in the ideals of the people he supports. The ultra-whackjob conservatives. Now this is the part that trips most people up. Like Dildo O'Reilly, Pierce made sure that while he would openly support the people and the positions, he made sure he would never openly support the extreme actions these people would take.. unless, of course, they got away with it. To Pierce, The Turner Diaries was just "a fictional work and not an actual plan to take seriously" in public.. while the Nazi flag waves in the background. Then Timothy McVeigh put the book into action in Oklahoma City. You'll notice that at no time William Pierce stood up and said.. "No, you took my writings in completely the wrong context!"

The same theme applies to what Dildo O'Reilly does. This guy sits down and supports no one but conservative people and takes conservative positions on several hot topics that would take only the more ultra-conservative actions to achieve. But when people call him on supporting the actions required to move America towards his ultra-conservative positions, Dildo O'Reilly gets to throw his hands up, act shocked and say "I never said THAT" or "I'm not in support of THAT kind of government action" and then he goes back to blasting liberals for not speaking the truth as only he sees it.

So there you have it. Dildo O'Reilly is nothing more than a little bitch instigator just like William Pierce. He does nothing but talk big, try to get others to take the criminal actions for him and then gets to stay behind the scenes while others have to take the responsibilities. Its really quite pathetic.

More From the Unintelligently Designed Creationists

Well in the past few months we've had two Creationism/Evolution trials of which only one was victorious in kicking Intelligent Design square in the god bags. Honestly, I never expected Kansas to vote in favor of Evolution. No chance in hell, pardon the pun, those ass-backward hicks were going to actually choose a scientific theory with decades of empirical evidence to support it over a theological notion of pure fantasy with no evidence to show for it.

You'd think in 2000 years someone would have been able to produce something of scientific merit to support their religious hogwash.

But Kansas did have something good come out of its plunge back into the dark ages. Since Creationism was being let back into schools, one professor - with a doctorate in theology from Harvard, no less - Paul Mirecki decided to teach a course in debunking Creationism. Unfortunately, it seems that the pressure from student opposition got the better of him as he fired emails at students in a religious group that his course would have been a slap "in their big fat face." He was forced to apologize to these fundie cretins and for his troubles, he was beaten with a metal object yesterday morning by two chickenshit hicks who obviously loved the teachings of jesus so much they had to resort to a lynching when they couldn't validate their own beliefs. Get well soon, Paul. You are a Real American Hero.

Side Note: After Professor Mirecki was forced into apologizing for his email, Kansas State Senator, and all around waste of life, Kay O'Connor stated that she was happy that the University cancelled his class and how critical she was about his hatefulness towards Christianity. We have yet to hear from this dried-up prune over the hateful actions that caused Professor Mirecki's injuries.

The other trial occurred in Pennsylvania and this time the Mind triumphed over the Spirit. But before it did, another professor, Scott Minnich, took the stand in defense of Intelligent Design. Scott Minnich is a genetic microbiologist who, in the same craptacular path of Behe, somehow got it into his head that Creationism was somehow a valid default if he could just show that Evolution was wrong. And like Behe, his plan of attack was to find something science couldn't explain yet and say "Eureka! I can't explain this, therefore God must have done it! I'm a Genius!"

So this whackjob gets on stage and blabs about how Intelligent Design is based on science and that "scientists" who stumble along the same path as he does are so horribly mistreated by the scientific community because they are the minority. Side Note: Don't you just love the way these Christian whackjobs pull out the racial abuse card whenever they are shunned for not being able to validate their notions. So being a man of science and finding out this whackjob does indeed have some rather impressive credentials in his background, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and I wrote him the following letter to request information that he surely must have had to show scientific support for Intelligent Design.

Scott Minnich,

Today you claimed, on the stand, that Intelligent Design was based in science and that whoever the "creator" was, was based on individual philosophy. While it is a popular opinion among creationists, I am curious to know how you defend that this notion holds water in regards to scientific responsibility.

You have done extensive and impressive research in the field of microbiology along the same deductive reasoning of Behe, but I am curious how you can suggest that even if Darwin and evolution are found to be, at the least, incomplete, that your notions of intelligent design are somehow valid or even accurate by default?

It seems to me that your notion of intelligent design is not based on science, but rather what appears to be, at the most, a lack of science. These concepts are not the same thing, Scott. Without direct validation for your notions rather than attempts to indirectly invalidate current, more supported, scientific theories, I can not see how you can expect anyone to see your notions as valid.

The Constitution gives everyone the right to believe in whatever we want to, Scott. A citizen in this country can believe in God, Allah, Shiva, Zeus or even purple leprechauns underneath the bed. Nothing however, gives anyone the right to automatically claim validity for anything that they may want to believe in. Tell me Scott, how can you believe that to assume otherwise is anything but just plain irresponsible?

But perhaps you have something to show us we have yet to see. Without showing evidence of how current theories are possibly incorrect, can your research DIRECTLY show evidence, outside of your personal religious faith, of a supreme maker of life? Do you have methods to produce this evidence? Do you have a controllable way of measuring this evidence? Can you reproduce this evidence in a controlled environment? Do you have the method for which to compare your findings?

I'm sure that if you were to produce something tangible that your notion of a "supreme entity" exists and that it indeed did create life as we know it today, that the scientific community would be more than happy to give you the credit you deserve for your work. If not, I have a suggestion for a scientific methodology that may help you out.

1. Study paranormal activities.
2. Find out if these entities are indeed the remnants of living people (aka souls).
3. Inquire as to the nature of the philosophies held by them.
4. Request an audience with their top official.
5. Ask the top official if your notions are correct.

Granted, my methodology may be in the minority of what is scientifically acceptable, but I am sure you can relate to that.

I hope that you will see that showing direct evidence of your theories is much more useful than assuming your notions, seemingly based in a lack of science, are correct simply by default. I wish you the best of luck with either your or my methodology. I hope you that you will find the results that you require for validation.

With best regards,
Xxxxx

PS. I am forwarding a copy of this letter to the dean of your University and to the chair of the Tenure committee. I have heard that you have found yourself in a spot of hot water concerning your teaching methods. Perhaps by answering my questions, you can also relieve any fears they may have about your teaching abilities. Good luck, Scott. I'm rooting for you.

I have yet to hear back from Mr Minnich with the evidence I requested. I guess Schrodinger's Cat must have his tongue.

As a result of these trials, I am personally putting a 2000 soul bounty on every creationist's head to any deity or devil that smites them. Any deity or demon taking up this offer must show conclusive evidence that they were directly responsible for the "act of god" involved. An additional 500 souls will be handed over for video evidence of the creationist in eternal torment.

Madison Police are Great at Giving Blowjobs

One of the things that kept me from caring about posting these past months is that my '87 Dodge Caravan finally died on me. It was the transmission. Not worth replacing on a van that old. But it got about 276 thousand miles on it before it finally croaked. Not too shabby for a domestic.

Anyways, I lost my copy of the damn title and had to get it replaced before I could sign it over to the garage as salvage. Ok. I go to the DMV on a very extended lunch and take care of it. Fine. No problem. That night, I go to the auto repair place that's holding my deader than shit car and I basically go through whatever's left inside with two garbage bags (one for keeping, one for junking). I walk in and sign over the title with the salvage box checked to the auto garage. Fine. No problem.

I wish.

Turns out one of the assholes in the garage turned around and "sold" my car to a third party unknown to me and proceeded to get an abandoned vehicle ticket for a vehicle that is somehow still in my name. Turns out I had to tell the cops that this transaction had taken place. What esoteric bullshit is this? So now I have to clear a $110 ticket for a car that is no longer mine and that I couldn't have driven anywhere because the transmission was so royally screwed up. I found out that the garage sold my car with one phone call. You'd think the brainiacs in the police department would actually try and rub their collective heads together and maybe a few sparks of intelligence would have saved me all this trouble. Alas, these cops aren't working from a pre-written script like the boys in Law & Order.

And the police wonder why no one respects the badge anymore.

ZMG's Review of The Brothers Grimm

There are odd movies and there are odd movies. This movie got about a 6.5 on my wtf-meter. But not entirely because it was a good sense of oddity either.

No, this movie was a few too many stumbles from a good odd movie. The film was too silly to be a good horror film, too bland (even by british standards) to be a comedy and too weird to be a good action film.

The film starts out as two brothers who apparently still work together even though one of them was directly responsible for their sister's death when they were younger as they scam a town into believing there is a witch flying around and haunting its people. The scam works and yet somehow the French government still finds out and they are arrested within 12 hours. And you thought Amber alerts were effective.

The French then blackmail the Brothers Grimm into finding out what is going on in a small town where children have been going missing for some time. Apparently, the French are running low on guards as they can't seem to send any of their own troops to head up the investigation outside of a sadistic torturer (the only source of humor in the film) and a couple of useless soldiers whose sole purpose is to be eaten by the trees. After they arrive in the town the plot moves along jerkily as the nerdy Grimm brother (Heath Ledger) acts like a witless Agent Mulder and pushes the plot along after its become obvious to the audience. The other Grimm brother (Matt Damon) acts like a tough ladies-man who only uses his skills for fighting to beat up on his wimpy brother and a failed attempt at bravery in the last 5 minutes of the film. The brothers then try to get a grasp on the weird world of wonder unfolding right beyond the edge of the trees as a vain and seemingly immortal Queen attempts to regain her beauty lost for 500 years. In her defense, the Queen has its army of writhing carnivorous trees with a taste for French cuisine, black crows and a transforming wolf/hunter with a few mystical trinkets of his own.. which he doesn't seem to mind leaving behind if it happens to help the plot stumble along. Eventually the queen is defeated and everyone is saved, including one guy that gets stabbed in the chest twice and falls out of a 50 ft tower. Yeah.. getting stabbed in the chest twice was all a spell... sure.

There are only two really good scenes in the film. They both deal with the abduction of little girls from the town, one involving a horse that spits out a spiderweb which it then sucks back in with a girl tangled within the web and the other involves a mud creature that absorbs the child's eyes and mouth before absorbing the rest of the girl into its belly and running off. It was these two scenes that make the movie worth seeing. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie wasn't nearly as inventive.

Highlights of the film:

• One carnivorous horse
• One child eating mud creature
• One shredded kitten
• One transforming wolf with a boomerang axe
  

Now, usually I just rant about what a crapfest a movie is before I pass judgement. This time I want to do more than piss on this film because I think it could have been done so much better.

This is how I would have made this film. I would have the Brothers Grimm roaming the countryside as a pair of 18th century Ghostbusters. The studious Grimm brother would be a researcher and armed with several knick-knacks and inventions to ward off evil. The tough Grimm brother would act as a mercenary, shooting first and asking questions later. The movie would start out as a child is sucked into the forest by yet another inventive and bizarre trap set by the wicked Queen. Afterwards, the Brother's Grimm would be seen slaying a giant that has been having his minion sell beans to hapless country folk who wind up getting kidnapped by fast-growing beanstalks with venus-flytrap like bean pods are taken up to the giant's home in the sky and are eventually harvested and eaten by the cannibalistic giant. After slaying the giant, the two would be requested by the French government to look into the strange disappearances of the children of a small town. The French, looking to steal the brother's glory, sends a sadistic soldier of its own. The plot evolves as at least 6 more bizarre kidnappings occur, the Brothers Grimm study the local folklore and try to defend the townsfolk from the enchanted dangers within the forest. Eventually, the Brothers find out what the Queen is up to and that the French are looking to assassinate the Brothers. The Brothers then trick the French sadist into bringing a French garrison to attack the forest and take the brunt of the Queen's wrath as the Brothers sneak past the army, deal with the huntsman and put an end to the Queen's diabolical plan to gain eternal youth. The movie ends as the ravens pick up and fly off with the pieces of the shattered Queen and the possibility of a sequel is born.

Final Grade: D
Final Note: Wait for it to come out on DVD and then flip a coin.

NOW Blue Steps up to Replace Red

Lions Gate Entertainment has declared that it will start the next technology revolution to Blu-ray DVDs next year.

For those of you who don't know, Blu-Ray DVDs use a blue laser instead of a red laser and since the wavelength for blue lasers is much shorter than the wavelength for red lasers, you can save more data on a Blu-Ray DVD. With a little marketing luck, Blu-Rays are looking to replace the standard DVDs just as DVDs replaced VHS tapes and Laserdiscs.

Personally, I think its a load of crap. For one thing, they can already fit an entire movie on one red DVD and the extras they could potentially put on a Blu-Ray DVD aren't nearly enough to justify buying a whole new player and a whole new library of Blu-Ray DVDs. Second, a blue laser runs hotter than a red laser, so that might wear out a Blu-Ray DVD faster.

It might be worth it as a new way of storing data on a computer disc, but I can't see it replacing red DVDs for movies. So chances are, if Blu-ray machines can't even play red laser discs, I wont be buying into the next wave of home movie technology.

Its not like I have the time to watch the movies I currently have.

15 Things Conservatives Don't Understand

1. Abortion is not murder. A lump of cells and living tissue that cannot survive outside of a human being is not a human being. If I carve out a person’s lung from someone’s body, it is a living organism and it will die if it is not placed inside another human being. It has no rights of its own. It is only a possession of the person from which it was taken from.

2. God is not a default for lack of science. If science can neither explain it now nor in your lifetime, that does not mean any number of god-based propositions are correct by default.

3. “Protecting democracy” and “Defending American civil liberties” are not one-size-fits-all excuses for irresponsible military action. Outside of Afghanistan, not one US soldier, in the last 50 years has died protecting democracy or Defending American civil liberties.

4. Pointing fingers at previous political leaders that have gotten off for doing something wrong doesn’t excuse current political leaders from doing something worse.

5. No one has to disprove or show your propositions are false if you cannot produce evidence that they are true.

6. Children whose parents you kill now because you feel they are evil will neither share your sentiment today nor 20 years from now.

7. You have to hate the current status quo of something, at least a little bit, before you can justify changing it for the better.

8. The Constitution was written from the Deist perspective, not the Christian perspective. Even if the Constitution had been written by Christians in the past that only means that those people who wrote the Constitution were only as superstitious as Christians are now.

9. The Constitution may give you the right to believe anything you want to, but nothing gives you the right to use those beliefs as a substitute for fact or justification for an action without something more tangible to back it up.

10. The only people responsible for cleaning up an environmental mess are the people or the industry that makes the mess.

11. There is a significant difference between not supporting a country’s decision and selling the country out to its opponents.

12. Patriotism is not an excuse for white people on one side of an imaginary line to hate white people on the other side of the same imaginary line.

13. Neither the sum total of your finances nor your country’s current status in the global community has any bearing as to whether or not your social philosophies are correct.

14. It doesn't matter how many people agree with your philosophies if you can not defend them rationally and without something more tangible than religious faith.

15. Liberals don’t fear conservatives. Ever.

Damn Creationists Are At It Again

Led by that f*cking retard Bush, these damn creationists are trying to get Intelligent Design put into school systems. Bush is claiming that while school districts should make their own decisions, schools should teach religious based theories alongside evolution. What Bullshit!

There are a few things that all creationists fail to understand.

1. Even if Evolution is found to be false or even incomplete, that doen't mean Creationism, Intelligent Design, Irreducible Complexity or any other "god" based theory is automatically true by default. They still need to show evidence that their propositions are valid.

2. Creationism, Intelligent Design, Irreducible Complexity, etc.. are not scientific theories. Scientific theories require that there be controllable methods of investigating, gathering, measuring, and comparing reproducible empirical data. Creationist propositions meet none of these qualifications outside of religious faith. Simply poking holes in existing scientific theories and saying "I wanna believe" is not enough to show validity. That is why it will NEVER be taught in any school that values the rational mind.

3. If science does not have an answer for something, that does not mean any "god" based theories are correct by default. It merely means that there is no scientific explanation yet. It is always far more responsible to say "I don't know" about something we don't know anything about than it is to assume some religious faith based proposition is the correct one.

The only real way that creationists could start to prove their propositions are valid - outside of their usual concentrating real hard, clicking their heels together three times and repeating "I DO believe in god. I DO believe in god. I do. I do. I DO believe in god" - is to show evidence of a conscious existence beyond death and then show evidence that these apparitions follow a christian/catholic/whatever political system. Only then do I feel that rational minds would be able to take them more seriously.

How Many Boy Scout Leaders Does it Take...

How many Boy Scout Leaders does it take to call off a Jamboree?

5.. *Bzzzt*..
make that 4.. *Bzzzt*..
make that 3.. *Bzzzt*..
2?.. *Bzzt*..
1?.. *Bzzt*..
Aw Crap

4 Electrocuted
300 suffering from heat exhaustion
and now 2 dead from lightning

CALL THE DAMN JAMBOREE OFF ALREADY BEFORE YOU LOSE ANYONE ELSE! Is it really that fucking difficult?

Freedom of Speech Vs Right to Bare Arms

Illinois just passed a new law that would keep guns out of the hands of domestic abusers and make it mandatory for gun shows to require background checks, keep those records for 10 years after the purchase and hand those records over to the police whenever they want to.

Naturally, the nutjobs in the NRA-ILA are calling this out as anti-gun legislation.

My question is why is it that when people write a book, or a novel or a paper on a subject, they want their name to be associated with the project under copyright laws, but the people who want guns don't want anyone to know they have them? If they want to actually make people believe that owning a gun is, by itself, not an illegal act, then why are they so afraid of having people know they own one?

My Form Letter Response to All Rejection Letters

Dear Asshole,

Thank you for overlooking me in such an efficient manner. I especially liked that you gave absolutely no reason as to why you have rejected me. Was it that I was over-qualified for a position that a trained monkey could have done or, for that matter, supervised? Or was it that you were too cheap to shill out enough dough to match my experience level? Perhaps you are just waiting around for that talentless bimbo with the giant knockers who can't even spell "experience" let alone gain any without kneepads on to apply.

Whatever the reason, thank you for your time in sending me this emotionless letter, you insensitive prick. Fuck you and I hope you get hit with a mack truck.

Take care,
The guy behind you with an axe

Beam Him Up, Scotty!

James Doohan has died today at the age of 85 from a combination of Alzheimers and pneumonia after getting the shit kicked out of him by Parkinson's.

Truly a man that suffered the ravages of time. Rest well and find peace.

MTV's The Real Wrong

I've been watching The Real World on MTV ever since Puck showed America his recipe for peanut butter ala snot ball. I gotta say I thought that was as digusting as it could get until this season.

They have this military nurse out in Austin this year and this little bimbo is so totally convinced that the war in Iraq is justified and to make matters worse she has this jarhead boyfriend telling her on the phone that she serves the armed forces in Iraq so that other Americans could have their right to speak their opinion. ***RETCH***

I have to say that I am a little amused whenever any military moron uses this excuse to justify any military action from the last 50 years when its obvious its such complete bullshit. Sometimes militray action is neccesary to protect American civil liberties. American terrorists during the American Revolution died to give me the right to speak my opinions. Americans died in Afghanistan as a neccesary military retaliation for the attacks on 9/11. NO ONE died in Iraq to protect or perserve ANY American's rights. NO ONE. Sorry to disappoint you veterans who thought you were serving America over there and it sucks that you deep-throated and swallowed this bullshit story so completely, but the fact remains that Saddam Hussein had NO connections to Al Qaeda in that they were two political factions, with very divergent political goals, in the same region of the world.

Yes, Saddam and Bin Laden met once, as political figures tend to do from time to time, but that means nothing. Reagan and Gorbachev met several times. That doesn't mean that Reagan was a communist.

Grow up, jarheads. Just because someone stuck a rifle in your hands and waved a flag in your face that doesn't mean you get to kill people without proper justification.

ZMG's Review of Fantastic Four

A lot of critics are comparing this movie with the excellent portrayal of Batman in Batman Begins. However, Fantastic Four has never been that dark a comic*, so the intense level of drama has never been there. So its not really that fair of a comparison. This movie could easily be regarded as a family movie.

This, unfortunately, means that the plotline would be too simple for anyone over the age of 8.

The characters are very simplistic - which is ok since, outside Chiklis, the actors can't act - and no one is that deep, including the film's biggest disappointment, Doctor Victor Von Doom. Arguably Marvel comic's greatest villain is flattened, in this film, into a very cookie cutter role with absolutely no menace in his voice at all. Listening to Doctor Doom plot was like listening to Mr Rogers talk about a bad day at the office. Also the character has been given some very similar background story elements as compared to the Green Goblin in the movie Spider-Man. In Spider-Man, the Green Goblin lives in a green-roofed mansion on top of a large skyscraper. In Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom also lives in a green-roofed mansion on top of a large skyscraper. In Spider-Man, the Green Goblin's alter-ego's company falters and his investors kick him out so the Green Goblin kills them. In Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom's company falters and his investors pull out so Doctor Doom kills the leader of them. Both villains try to make a partnership with their respective adversaries before trying to kill them. Both villains approach their adversaries with a 'sadistic choice' that will ultimately define their true path and destiny as heroes.

The other problem, as I've mentioned before, is the plotline is very, very simple. Doctor Doom's ulitmate plan doesn't get much deeper than 'get them' and feels like it comes from a half hour saturday morning cartoon show. The science involved in Doctor Doom's attack on the Fantastic Four and vice versa is elementary at best and apparently neither Doctor Doom nor Mr Fantastic are intelligent enough to come up with anything better in a crisis. The final resolution is so simple that it doesn't even qualify as deus ex machina.

There are also a couple of medium-sized plotholes in the movie. The first one deals with Ben Grimm's second transformation into the Thing. In the storyline, Mr Fantastic creates a machine that can reverse and apparently un-reverse the process of the gaining fantastic powers by bathing people in energies similar to the cosmic storm. But in order for it to work, he needs more power than he is able to generate himself. Doctor Doom comes in and is able to give the machine power through his own energy and the Thing is transformed back into Ben Grimm. The plothole occurs when Ben Grimm decides to go back and is somehow able to transform back without the aid of Doctor Doom's added power boost. The second plothole is at the end, Doctor Doom is apparently able to be picked up and transported back to Latveria without any kind of red tape involved. A minor plot hole, but enough of one to make me scratch my head.

Highlights of the film:

• Jessica Alba in a skin tight outfit
• Jessica Alba in her bra and panties
• An army of robo-bimbos with about as much acting talent as any other actor in the film surrounding Johnny Storm at all times to help the male members of the audience forget how much Chris Evans can't act.

Final Grade: C- Dropped from a C for using the Wilhelm scream twice.

*The only time Fantastic Four was a decent dark comic was when Marvel Mangaverse came out and Reed Richards was portrayed as a chauvinistic, sexaholic scientist who only used his ability in the sack and to increase the number of neural connections in his brain when boosts of raw intelligence were needed while the other three members' abilities were augmented so they could each control a 100' humanoid version of themselves. Jonatha Storm piloted a giant being of fire, Sioux Storm piloted a giant being of invisible force, and Benjamin piloted a giant being of rock, metal and assorted pieces of rubble.

The Wrath of Hurricane Dennis???

Its no wonder why no one cares about the imminent danger this tropical death cloud is posing to the United States with a name like Hurricane Dennis. Hurricane Dennis sounds like the name of a Monty Python sketch.

I've got a solution for this. I think the government should rent out Hurricane names to comic book companies. Think about it. With the amount of money people spend on comic book movies, good or bad, I know people would pay more attention to storms if they had more recognizable villianous names like Hurricane Doom or Hurricane Luthor. This would also create a much needed economic shot in the arm for the comics industry.

As for the London bombing. I am not going to speculate one way or the other until I hear evidence that this was an Al Qaeda bombing. Who knows? It could have been some punk kid enacting a scene out of some ultra-violent video game.

Has anyone else noticed that no one blames the violent tendencies of Al Qaeda terrorists on video games or movies? Maybe its because the conservatives are too busy trying to rationalize their own violent tendencies right now.

I also wonder if the word "WAR" had originally been 15 letters long and had more than three syllables if the reactionary conservative idiots in this country would be so quick to start or support one.